Great Quotes from Stargate

[Season 1 | Season 2 | Season 3 | Season 4 | Season 5 | Season 6 | Season 7 | Season 8 | Season 9 | Season 10 ]

Season 1

Episode 1 - "Children of the Gods"

General Hammond: You ever think of writing a book about your military exploits?
Jack O'Neill: I've thought about it. But then I'd have to shoot anybody that actually read it...That's a joke, sir.

Daniel: (laughing) This is going straight to my head. (takes a swig) What time is it, anyway? I must have Gate lag or something.
O'Neill: Daniel, for crying out loud, you've had one beer. You're a cheaper date than my wife was.

Carter: So, Dr. Jackson, tell me about Sha're. How did you meet?
Daniel: Oh, Sha're. Well, she's, uh--
O'Neill: She was a gift.
Daniel: She was, actually, from the elders of Abydos the first time we were there.
They come to a bend in the road, and O'Neill stops.
Carter: And you accepted?

Samantha Carter: You know you really will like me when you get to know me.
O'Neill: Oh, I adore you already.

[Teal'c has betrayed Apophis and all the refugees have fled, leaving him standing forlornly in the chamber.]

Col. O'Neill
: Hey, come on!
: I have nowhere to go.
: For this you can stay at my place, let's go!

[Daniel and Sam are discussing whether or not the Stargate can go to other planets.]
Daniel: I'm no astrophysicist, but isn't it possible that planets can drift apart?
: I knew I'd like you.
: You mean I'm right?

Episode 2 - "The Enemy Within"

KENNEDY: Dr Warner, what are Major Kawalsky's chances of surviving this procedure?
WARNER: 10. 12% at most.
KENNEDY: And the parasite? It is an intelligent being after all, isn't it Colonel? I believe I first read that in your report.
WARNER: The parasite itself would not survive the procedure.
KENNEDY: So, we're faced with destroying one life in the hopeless attempt to save another. You see the ethical dilemma?

"I heard the operation was a complete success, Sir. Congratulations. I have my orders to return to Langly." -- Col. Kennedy
"Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out." -- Hammond

"If I had killed you then, I would not be here now." -- Teal'c
"Neither would I." -- O'Neill

Episode 3 - Emancipation

Danny: "He looks really up set. It must be some sort of cultural thing." Sam walks over by Jack.
Abu: "No! I cannot look at you."
Sam: "Okay, now I'm hurt."

Horseman: "That one is a women." He points at Sam.
Jack: "Observant bunch."

Sam: "Daniel, find me an anthropologist that dresses like this and I will eat this head dress."
Daniel just stands there with his mouth hanging open. Sam has on a blue and white dress, with a beaded headdress on, and a white, silk face mask hanging to the side. Jack also just stands their, his mouth open, but in a smile. Come to look hard enough, Teal'cs mouth is also hanging open!

Daniel: "How is it you always come up with the worse case scenario?"
Jack: "Practice?"

Episode 5 - The First Commandment

Dr. Jackson: This tastes like chicken.
Capt. Carter: So what's wrong with it?
Dr. Jackson: It's macaroni and cheese.

Carter: I don't know. I guess I've always had a soft spot for the lunatic fringe. He was...he was charming.

Connor, a member of SG9 who's been wounded, refuses one of Jack's orders just a few moments after Sam has done the same.:
"No Sir? Does it say 'Colonel' anywhere on my uniform? -- O'Neill

Episode 6 - Cold Lazarus

Teal'c: You received permission for me to fire my staff weapon in the gate room?
Carter: Oh yeah.
Jackson: Absolutely.

Episode 7 - The Nox

"The very young do not always do what they are told." -- Antaeus,

"Is that a weapon?" -- Nefreyu
"Yes, and you can't have it." -- O'Neill

"I told him to go home." -- O'Neill, about Nefreyu
"I told you the same. The very young do not always do what they are told." -- Antaeus

Episode 8 - Brief Candle

Carter: Are you crazy? It's a paradise.
O'Neill: Yeah, sure, have an apple. What could happen?

Episode 9 - Thor's Hammer

Teal'c - Are you considering the same tactic as I.
O'Neill - Teal'c, the cliche is, are you thinking what I'm thinking.

Thor: This is your prison. Your technology will not function here.
There are no luxuries... no worshipers... no slaves...
Jack O'Neill: Teal'c, I think we just got the answering machine.
Thor: Only basic sustenance... and time.
Jack O'Neill: Well - thanks... for the chat.

Episode 10 - The Torment of Tantalus

O'Neill: "The Pentagon's lost entire countries."
Is Jack's reply when Daniel expresses his doubt that the Pentagon has lost files on the Stargate programme,

Episode 11 - Bloodlines

Teal'c: If we are caught, you will be brought before Apophis along with us.
Col. O'Neill: We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Bra'tac: No. The bridge is too well guarded.

Col. O'Neill: Here's the plan--
Bra'tac: I will lead. You will follow.
Col. O'Neill: Right.

Episode 13 - Hathor

Jackson: Hathor was the Egyptian goddess of fertility, inebriety, and music.
O'Neill: Sex, drugs, and rock and roll?

[Carter and Frasier sneak up on Gen. Hammond, and Carter knocks him out with the butt of her gun]
Capt. Carter: Yeah, my career is over.
Dr. Fraiser: Don't worry about it. I can fix him up as good as new when this thing is over.
Capt. Carter: Great. So he can bring me up on charges.

[Carter is looking at the healed abdominal of O'Neill who has no memory of past events]
Capt. Carter: Wow! That's a miracle!
Col. O'Neill (confused): Crunches.

DANIEL: So you actually create the larva? How?
HATHOR: We must first have the code of life from the juices of the species intended as the host.
DANIEL: Code of life?
HATHOR: In order to assure compatibility for the Goa'uld child and the host.
DANIEL: DNA. You mean you need DNA to prevent rejection?
HATHOR: The code of life. We do so enjoy the method of procuring the code in your species.
She takes Daniel's glasses off.
HATHOR: It is much more pleasurable than most.
DANIEL: I bet.
HATHOR: Since you are to be our first pharaoh you will honour us by being the one to contribute the code.
DANIEL: You want me to help you create more Goa'uld's?
Hathor moves in to kiss Daniel but he grabs her arm. She doses him with the pink mist and he lets go.
HATHOR: Now that Ra is gone, we are finally free to rule this planet. With you, our beloved, at our side for all eternity.
Hathor kisses Daniel.

Dr. Fraiser: [inspecting Goa'uld slime] Maybe we'll at least get a cellular level analysis on the Goa'ulds, maybe we'll even find some DNA information.
Dr. Jackson: [uncomfortably] A lot of that will probably be mine.
Col. O'Neill: Ew.
Dr. Jackson: Yeah.

Episode 14 - Singularity

Carter: You didn't think the Colonel had a telescope on his roof just to look at the neighbors, did you?
O'Neill: Not initially.

Episode 15 - Cor'ai

Daniel: It was a procedure often done in the Middle Ages. They... well,
they'd drill a hole in the person's head. By drilling a hole the evil
spirits are released, thus saving the person from eternal damnation.
Jack O'Neill: Thus... *saving* the person?
Daniel: Well, they didn't call them the Dark Ages because it was dark.

Teal'c: The Goa'uld visit here regularly. It is one of their favorite places to harvest hosts for Goa'uld absorption.
Daniel: You know, I wish you wouldn't say 'harvest'. We're talking about human beings not... Brussels sprouts.

Episode 20 - Politics

Sam Carter: Daniel, when you were in this alternate reality, were there differences?
Daniel: Yes. Er, Teal'c was leading the attack on Earth, I wasn't even part of the program, you and Jack were engaged to get married...
Jack O'Neill: Excuse me?
Sam Carter: What... ok, er, even if you did experience this alternate reality, doesn't the very fact there were differences mean that we won't face the same fate?
Daniel: Yes. But the defining event, the death of Ra, took place in both worlds.
Teal'c: An attack of retribution.
Daniel: Yes. And the same thing is going to happen here unless we stop it.
Jack O'Neill: All right. Wait a minute. Let me get something straight here. Engaged?
Sam Carter: It's theoretically possible.
Jack O'Neill: It's against regulations.
Sam Carter: I'm talking physics, sir.

Gen. Hammond: It costs nearly a billion dollars just to turn the lights on around here.
Col. O'Neill: How about a bake sale? Yard sale? Garage...
Gen. Hammond: This is what I look like when I'm not laughing, Colonel.
Col. O'Neill: Car wash?

Dr. Jackson: Senator, we have reason to believe that the Goa'uld are about to launch an attack, in force, in ships.
Senator Kinsey: Then I think they'll regret taking on the United States military!
Col. O'Neill: Oh, for God's sake…
Dr. Jackson: [sarcastic] Oh, you're right! We'll—-we'll just upload a computer virus into the mothership!
[This is a reference to the film Independence Day, which, incidentally, was written by Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin, the creators of the original movie Stargate.]

Senator Kinsey: If they're so strong, why did you switch sides in the first place?
Teal'c: Because, what is right cannot be measured in strength.

Episode 21 - Within the Serpent's Grasp

[A group of Jaffa march past SG-1's hiding place]
Col. O'Neill: I always get a happy, tingly feeling when I see those guys.

Dr. Jackson: [inspecting a silver ball] Teal'c, what is this?
Teal'c: It is a Goa'uld long-range visual communication device. Somewhat like your television, only much further advanced.
Col. O'Neill: Think it gets Showtime?
[The series was airing on the Showtime network at this point.]

[SG-1 is discussing the 4 of them attacking a Goa'uld planet]
Teal'c: I believe a "medical attack" could be successful.
Jack O'Neill: Surgical attack, Teal'c, it's called a "surgical attack."

Season 2

Episode 1 - Serpent's Lair

Bra'tac: We offer to lay down our lives for your world, human. You cannot ask more.
Col. O'Neill: No, I can't. But I think a better idea is to get the other guys to lay down their lives for their world first, hmm?

Jaffa are trying to break down the door.
O'Neill: Just a minute!

Bra'tac: Perhaps if the warships of your world will attack we will be
Sam Carter: Excuse me; did you say, 'the warships of our world'?
Bra'tac: Surely you have such vessels?
Daniel Jackson: Well, we have a number of... shuttles.
Bra'tac: These 'shuttles. ' They are a formidable craft?
Jack O'Neill: Uh... yeah...Bad day...

Jack O'Neill: I think that Sam means, "What do we do now? "
Bra'tac: Now we die.
Jack O'Neill: Well that's a bad plan.

Episode 2 - In the Line of Duty

Teal'c: I have seen the Goa'uld wipe out entire civilisations - no reason, simply because it gave them pleasure.
Daniel: So what, Nasyia was just next on the list? Part of me wishes it was that simple, but I don't want to underestimate them.
Sam/Jolinar: Maybe the reasons just weren't made apparent to you, Teal'c. I mean, you are just a Jaffa. All... all I meant was that Apophis wouldn't necessarily have explained everything to Teal'c even if he was first prime. Would he?
Teal'c: That is true.
Daniel: I agree with Sam. I think we have to assume the Goa'uld are more complex as a society than we're giving them credit for.

Jolinar: Let me go. [She stands up] Let me go through the Stargate. I will find another host and send your friend back to you.
Jack: You can do that? Leave a host without killing them?
Jolinar: Yes. It is possible, but not easy. I could die, but I promise I will try.
Jack: The Nasyian man died when you left him.
Jolinar: The Nasyian man died first, that is why I left him. He was beyond my natural abilities to heal.

Tealc: You have requested my presence?
Jolinar: Jaffa, you must convince the humans to let me go.
Tealc: They will not let you go.
Jolinar: They are impressive. The Tau'ri have become very powerful in the time since the Goa'uld reign here. Certainly the System Lords will not allow this to go unchecked. I can provide the humans with information that can help them defend against attack.
Tealc: They are more powerful than you know. Already a Goa'uld attack on Earth has been thwarted.
Jolinar: Then a more powerful assault is already being planned.
Tealc: They are not fools. They believe you are here to plant a seed of that destruction.
Jolinar: Not all Goa'uld are the same. There are a few that oppose the System Lords and their ways. You must have heard of the Tok'ra.
Tealc: Every Goa'uld seeks power for his own reason and would betray his own brother to achieve it.
Jolinar: Some seek power for a greater purpose. Not every Goa'uld is an enemy to the people of this planet. The Tok'ra are real, no matter what Apophis has told you.
Tealc: I have yet to meet one.
Jolinar: You have now. I am Jolinar of Malkshur.

Tealc: There is an old legend among the Jaffa for them to speak of concerning a group of Goa'uld who opposed the ways of the System Lords. This group is called the Tok'ra. This Goa'uld, Jolinar of Malkshur, claims to be part of that group.
Jack: Can you be sure he is who he says he is?
Tealc: I cannot.
Jolinar: Unfortunately we do not carry identification.
Jack: Okay, lets try to build a little trust here, shall we? One of the Nasyians we brought back was very badly burned. But somehow he just got up out of his hospital bed and disappeared. Who is he?
Jolinar: It must be the Ashrak.
Tealc: It means hunter.
Jack: A Goa'uld?
Jolinar: Yes. An assassin of the highest rank who carries out the orders of the System Lords.
Jack: Who's he here to kill?
Jolinar: Me.

Tealc: The missing Nasyian is an Ashrak. A Goa'uld assassin sent by the System Lords to eliminate Jolinar.
Daniel: That's the name of the Goa'uld in Sam.
Tealc: It is. Jolinar once tried to overthrow one of the System Lords but was defeated when Apophis joined the battle. He escaped during the slaughter of his armies.
Jack: It seems this Jolinar is wanted in Goa'uld town.
Tealc: He claims to be part of the Tok'ra.
Daniel: Resistance.
Tealc: The Tok'ra is a small alliance of Goa'uld who oppose the System Lords. It was my teacher Bra'tac who first spoke to me of them.
GH: Well, this Goa'uld inside Carter could be lying, spinning a tale to gain our trust.
Jack: It's quite a spin.
GH: The sweep of the base has turned up no evidence. There's been no tampering with the base computer. We can't find a single sign of sabotage.
Daniel: Well that's why Jolinar didn't reveal himself to be a Goa'uld! He was actually hiding out in the Nasyian man. GH: He improvised. So where are we?
Jack: Bottom line sir? We may have a Goa'uld out there who's on a mission to kill Carter.
Daniel: And we don't even know what he looks like.

Daniel: I came to see if you could give us a description of the Ashrak. [Gets a notebook and pen out of his pocket]
Jolinar: I will know his face only in the moments before he tortures me to death, killing your friend along with me.
Daniel: Well there's no way he's getting in here.
Jolinar: You are not stupid, Daniel, nor am I.
Daniel: He doesn't even know for sure you're on this planet, let alone in this base.
Jolinar: He is Goa'uld, he will find me. It's what he does. Letting me go, trusting me, is the only chance of saving your friend Samantha.
Daniel: Then I'm sorry, I'm sorry Sam.

Tealc: I believe Jolinar speaks the truth.
Daniel: Look, he told me about this resistance. Now, they have a totally different way of life from the Goa'uld we know. They don't believe in taking hosts against their will.
Jack: Right, like Carter and this Nasyian guy?
Daniel: No, he had no choice. He wants to leave Carter.
GH: But if they don't believe in taking hosts, how do they survive?
Daniel: They take humans who are about to die. Who choose to continue to live and co-exist with the Goa'uld. Now according to Jolinar this can be a rewarding relationship.
Jack: Daniel, I'm sorry, I know what this means to you. But I will never, never trust a Goa'uld.

Ashrak: Interesting weapons these humans use. [He forces the cell door open] Kree shak, Jolinar. By decree of the Goa'uld System Lords you will die with dishonour by the power of the Hara'kash. [He activates the device on his hand]
Jolinar: Hear this. The days of the Goa'uld System Lords are numbered. Tell them that I died with hope. My death only feeds the fire that burns strong in the Tok'ra.

Jack: You did it Sam, you won.
Sam: [Shakes her head] It wasn't me.
Jack: Oh yes it was. You hung in there, you beat it.
Sam: The Goa'uld gave its life for me. It saved me.
Some time later, Carter's in a hospital room. Jackson walks in carrying flowers.
Daniel: Hey Sam, how's it going tonight?
With no response from Carter, he leaves. In the corridor outside, he talks to O'Neill, Cassandra and Doctor Fraiser.
Daniel: She's still the same.
Cassandra: Janet said that the Goa'uld left after it died.
Daniel: Well that's right. It died and her body's absorbing it. She's the same old Samantha Carter. Same person we've always known.
Jack: Cassie, she's just a little sad right now. But I'll bet she cheers up when she sees you.
Cassandra enters the room and stands by Carter's bedside.
Cassandra: Sam, it's me. You're going to be okay.
Carter turns to look at her with a look of hope.

Episode 5 - Need

CARTER: We don't use the sarcophagus!
O'NEILL: What?
CARTER: Whoa. Oh that was weird. I was having a vision or something. I kept seeing the memory of Jolinar. The resistance, the Tok'ra, they don't use the sarcophagus. It does bad things to you. It changes your mind. It takes something from you. I kept hearing...Teal'c what is Kalach?
TEAL'C: It is Goa'uld. It means one's soul.
CARTER: Sir, we have to stop Daniel.
Palace Throne Room. O'Neill is being dragged along the floor by two Jaffa and set down in front of Daniel
O'NEILL: The man who would be king. The Jaffa hits O'Neill in the back of the knee.
O'NEILL : Ahh!
DANIEL gets off the throne, seemingly oblivious to what just happened.
DANIEL: Hi Jack! Ha Ha.Hi Jack!
DANIEL snaps at the Jaffa, making them leave. O'Neill is on his knees in front of Daniel.
O'NEILL: (coughing) We're losing the battle down there you know. Carter has started having Goa'uld flashbacks. Says if you keep using the sarcophagus, you're going dark side on us.if you haven't already.

Episode 6 - Thor's Chariot

Dr. Jackson: Well, I guess we'll have to hold up here awhile till things calm down.
Teal'c: Things will not calm down, Daniel Jackson. They will, in fact, calm up.

Jackson: This is the Hall of Might?
Gairwyn: You were expecting something different?
Jackson: Well, uh... maybe a hall.

Episode 9 - Secrets

O'Neill: It's "O'Neill," with two L's. There's another Colonel O'Neil with only one L, and he has no sense of humor at all.

Episode 10 - Bane

Maybourne: Striking an officer is a quick way to a court martial.
O'Neill: I'm not gonna hit you, Maybourne. I'm gonna shoot you.

[Teal'c gives a girl a new, better water gun. She promptly squirts him]
Daniel: Guess we shouldn't have loaded it, huh?
Teal'c: How else would she have defended herself?
[Teal'c produces his own water gun and squirts Daniel]
Daniel: [shakes water off his shirt] Yes, how else?

Episode 11 - The Tok'ra, Part I

TEALC: According to Jaffa legend, the Tok'ra are the Goa'uld resistance. Their stated goal is the destruction of the System Lords and a change in the ways of the empire. They are hunted and despised by the Goa'uld.
JACK: Yes! My kinda guys!

TEALC: The Tok'ra are known for their ability to mask their trails. They are, as you say, stealthy in their actions.
The Tok'ra surround them, apparently popping out of the ground.
DANIEL: Yeah, stealthy would be a good word, Teal'c.

JACK: Good guys or bad guys?
CORDESH: We mean you no harm. But I warn you, if you make any aggressive moves, we will fire on you.
JACK: Same here.
CORDESH: [Laughs] Well I think we have the advantage. There are more of us.
JACK: That is true.

MARTOUF: This one is a Jaffa. Apophis sect.
TEALC: I am no longer in the service of Apophis.
MARTOUF: Who then are you in service to?
TEALC: I am allied with these, the Tau'ri, in battle against Apophis.
DANIEL: And all other Goa'uld.
SAM: Be careful Daniel.
SAM: Because they are Goa'uld.
CORDESH: Do not call us that. [Eyes glow] We are not Goa'uld.

DANIEL: That's why we're here, to seek out the Tok'ra.
JACK: Assuming of course you are the Tok'ra.
CORDESH: And if we're not?
JACK: Well, I guess we all start shooting, there's blood, death, hard feelings... it'd suck.
MARTOUF: And if we are this thing you call Tok'ra?
TEALC: If you are indeed the Tok'ra of Jaffa legend, we should form an alliance.
SAM: I learned a lot from Jolinar. Enough to know that we could be good friends. And frankly, enough to know that you are the Tok'ra.
MARTOUF: I believe this one speaks the truth. Perhaps we should... just listen to what they have to say.
They lower their weapons.
JACK: Well that's better, isn't it? So, take me to your leader.
CORDESH: I will take you to whom you seek. But there is one condition. You must leave your weapons with us.
JACK: Ah, no.
SAM: They won't hurt us, Colonel.
JACK: They're Goa'ulds, Carter.
SAM: They won't hurt us.
JACK: And you, what, feel this?
SAM: No, I can remember.
TEALC: O'Neill, if they are the Tok'ra, we are in no danger.
DANIEL: If you're asking for opinions, I vote we take the chance.
JACK: Okay. But I want it understood that we're doing this in the spirit of future relations. I expect us to be treated as such.
SG-1 put their weapons down.

JACK: Carter, what's the story with this Martouf?
SAM: I'm not sure. I get the feeling I know almost all of these people, but my memories of Martouf are the strongest. It's like I have some weird bond with him.

TEALC: You are Garshaw of Belote?
TEALC: She is the most hunted Goa'uld of all time.
GARSHAW: We prefer you to not refer to us as Goa'uld.
JACK: Yeah, we got that earlier. What should we call you?
GARSHAW: I assume you are from the first world, the Tau'ri. Is that correct?
JACK: Yup.
GARSHAW: Were you among those who rid the galaxy of the Supreme System Lord Ra?
JACK: Yup, that's us, that... that... yeah, we're those.
GARSHAW: Then in a sense, you are Tok'ra.
DANIEL: Of course! Tok'ra. Tok... Tok Ra, against Ra! Thank you for sharing that.
JACK: We still don't know what to call her.
GARSHAW: We too are Tok'ra.
JACK: Finally!

SAM: Um, well, because I didn't. I mean, I guess you're just going to have to trust us on that.
CORDESH: And why should we trust you?
JACK: You know something? I've been asking myself the same damn question. Why should we trust you. You are, after all, Goa'ulds.
DANIEL: Jack...!
JACK: Ah! Don't! We've done nothing but get interrogated here. Now, are we prisoners? And are you Goa'ulds?
JACK: N...
GARSHAW: You are not and I have told you we are not Goa'uld.
JACK: I didn't... Why do you talk like that? And what's with the glowing eyes? Huh? Might it have something to do with a little reptilian activity in your heads?
GARSHAW: We have symbiotic creatures within us, yes.
JACK: Well then!
DANIEL: Well then, you can see how we might think you would be a danger to humans. You take humans as hosts.
GARSHAW: Goa'uld take hosts. Tok'ra do not. Ours wish to be so.
MARTOUF: We have a truly symbiotic relationship.
DANIEL: No offence, but why would any human volunteer to be a host for a Goa'uld?
YOSUF: Perhaps I can... I can help you? I am Yosuuf. I am Garshaw's host. I speak freely without restraint or censor. All of us who serve as hosts volunteer to do so freely.
DANIEL: Okay, well, maybe you can answer my question then. Why would any human volunteer for... for that?
YOSUF: Well, with the blending I gain all of Garshaw's knowledge, her wisdom [Laughs] more than any human could ever attain. And my lifespan is twice what it would be without the blending. And for all this, all I have to do is share my physical body.
JACK: So you've kind of got a little Faustian deal going here, selling your soul for immortality.
YOSUF: What you understand as soul remains intact.
DANIEL: So this symbiotic relationship is what makes the Tok'ra different from the Goa'uld.
TEALC: It is also this that has thwarted the Tok'ra's efforts against the Goa'uld.

SAM: That's because you don't use the sarcophagus, right?
MARTOUF: That's correct. We believe to do so would drain the good from our hearts.
DANIEL: I can vouch for that.
MARTOUF: That's why our numbers don't grow large enough to defeat the massive forces aligned with System Lords.
SAM: Zero or negative population growth. Since you won't take new hosts by force, most of the time the Goa'uld dies with the host.

YOSUF: We didn't mean to upset you with the suggestion of becoming a host.
JACK: Well as long as you take no for an answer.
MARTOUF: Be assured that we have never forced a human to become a host. It goes against all that we believe in.
JACK: Yeah, well, you know Captain Carter didn't exactly invite Jolinar in.
SAM: Yes Sir, but I believe he was sincere about wanting to leave me as soon as he found another host.
JACK: If he found one.

MARTOUF: [To Sam] Would you like to take a walk on the surface?
JACK: What?
SAM: Why?
MARTOUF: I would like to hear more of Jolinar of Malk-shur.
SAM: Okay.
JACK: Well, yeah, sure.
MARTOUF: I'm only inviting Captain Carter. What we have to discuss is private. I hope you understand.
JACK: Actually, no, I don't.
SAM: Colonel, I, I think I should go with him. I think I need to go with him. There's a lot of questions he could answer about Jolinar.
MARTOUF: I assure you Sir, she will be very safe with me.
SAM: Colonel, I need to do this, please.
JACK: Okay Son, but I want you to have her back by 11 o'clock. You understand?

LANTASH: Jolinar and I were together for nearly... 100 of your years. She was my mate.
SAM: Oh. How does that work? She was whose mate? Martouf, or Lantash?
MARTOUF: Now let me attempt an explanation. As I said before, ours is a truly symbiotic relationship. So what I feel, Lantash feels. And what Lantash feels, I feel.
SAM: So when one of you is in love, you both feel it.
MARTOUF: Yes, we love as one. And, and we mourn as one.
SAM: I'm sorry.
MARTOUF: Don't be sorry. We want you to truly comprehend this so that you'll better understand us.

MARTOUF: Jolinar's host, Rosha, was very beautiful. She had eyes like the oceans of Marloon, hair was the colour of Abydos, and her smile was, was as infectious as laughter. In fact, Rosha looked very much like you Captain Carter. You are very beautiful. You'd make a lovely new host for Selmak.
Sam turns away.
MARTOUF: I'm sorry, I've said something to upset you.
SAM: No. Yes! It's difficult enough with just the remnants of Jolinar in here. The last thing I need is another person - symbiote - whatever.

SAM: This must be what it feels like to be schizophrenic.
MARTOUF: What is schizophrenic?
SAM: It's a mental illness humans have. It's like a split personality. Two people in one brain. I mean, there's me, Samantha Carter, and then there's this leftover part of Jolinar that feels things like...
MARTOUF: Like...?
SAM: Like some pretty deep feelings for you.
MARTOUF: Jolinar left this imprint on your mind?
SAM: Yes.
MARTOUF: I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, but...
SAM: No! It's just... what you had, you and Jolinar, you were in love longer than I've been alive! Hell, longer than I will be alive!
MARTOUF: She left this feeling with you? You can feel how she felt for me?
SAM: Yes. And it's confusing the hell outta me.
SAM: Because it's not just in my mind like a memory, I feel it. Like I've had this relationship with you for 100 years. I don't know if I can describe it with words. What Jolinar felt for you, I don't even think I'm capable of comprehending.
MARTOUF: Maybe there's another way you can communicate it. Perhaps in a way other than words.
They interlock their hands and gaze into one another's eyes. Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh. Then Daniel and some Tok'ra guys rush up and spoil the moment.

Episode 12 - The Tok'ra, Part II

 SAM: There's another reason, isn't there? Something else bothers you about us.
GARSHAW: That is correct. None of you have volunteered to be a host to one of us who is dying! Now if you're so disgusted with the very thought of blending, how can we be associated with one another? I mean it is obvious that you have distaste for our very being.
DANIEL: No, it is simply a lack of understanding. We have no hatred for you at all.
GARSHAW: Then be a host to Selmak.
DANIEL: Well I wish I could say I was okay with that, but...
GARSHAW: The very thought sickens you. There is nothing more to be said. There will be no alliance. You will remain here until we say otherwise. [She walks off]

TEALC: It would be impossible. There is only one way out, via the rings. We would then have to elude hundreds of Tok'ra.
SAM: I for one don't want to hurt any of them.
JACK: Look, I'm not too thrilled about hurting anyone either. But keep in mind these people wanna make you a host, and as I recall you said that whole 'Jolinar Goa'uld in the head' deal was one of the worst things that ever happened to you!
SAM: That's before I understood it better. If I wasn't fighting her and I knew what it meant for Jolinar to be a Tok'ra, it might have been, I don't know, enlightening. [She gets up] I need to see Garshaw!
SAM: What is the one thing that they need the most?
DANIEL: Well, hosts, which we can't give them.

SAM: Colonel, I think we should at least try to offer it to my Dad?
JACK: We might have a host for you.
GARSHAW: You have a host for Selmak?
SAM: Yes. My father. He's got cancer and if Selmak can save his life I think he'd be willing to try it.
JACK: But you have to let us go back.
GARSHAW: I will let two of you go. But the rest will remain to ensure that you will return.

HAMMOND: Captain Carter, I am truly sorry about your father, but I have to question the wisdom of what you're suggesting here. From what I've seen, this won't exactly be saving his life. It'll be more like giving his body to a Goa'uld.
SAM: No Sir, more like letting one share it.
HAMMOND: Jacob knows a lot about Earth, about the US military. This would be like handing over that information to the Goa'uld.
SAM: To the Tok'ra.
HAMMOND: You sure there's a difference?
JACK: Oh yes Sir, there's a difference, believe me. I won't even pretend to understand what the difference is, but there is one. One minute you're talking to a Goa'uld, the next minute you're talking to a regular guy. Person.
SAM: Host.
JACK: Host.
HAMMOND: How do you know it isn't just a trick? We've seen the Goa'uld speak as humans before.
JACK: Well General, if these were your everyday run of the mill greasy arsed Goa'uld, they would have made us their hosts already.

TEALC: I would like to take this opportunity to express my admiration for your cause. It is both honourable and brave.
GARSHAW: Thankyou Jaffa. I must say I feel the same about you. To break from Apophis and then turn to fight him shows great conviction of character.

SAM: Well, believe it or not, we need your help, Dad.
JACOB CARTER: [Laughs and coughs] What? The Pentagon wants me to deliver a message to God when I get up there?
HAMMOND: Not exactly.
JACOB CARTER: Well I don't plan to see the other guy.

SAM: I don't work with satellites, Dad, that was just a cover.
JACOB CARTER: No kidding. I never would have guessed.

Sam and Jacob go to Selmak's room.
LANTESH: You have returned.
SAM: Yes. This is my father, Jacob Carter.
LANTESH: Honoured.
MARTOUF: I am Martouf. You have a very special daughter.
JACOB CARTER: Why does he talk like that?
SAM: He's a Tok'ra Dad, I told you about them.
JACOB CARTER: Oh, so these are the aliens you were telling me about?
SAM: Well, I don't know if I'd call them aliens, sort of half alien I guess. I mean, the outside is human, and the inside is shared between a human and a symbiote. Martouf is actually two different... souls, I guess, sharing the same body.
JACOB CARTER: And that's what you want me to become. You gotta be kidding me.

SAM: Talk to her Dad, get to know her.
SELMAK: If you agree to the blending, we could be together for a very long time. [She coughs]
JACOB CARTER: You don't look so good.
SELMAK: You are no vision of beauty yourself, Sir!
Jacob laughs, but it deteriorates into a cough. Selmak/Saroosh and Jacob both cough!

SAROOSH: Selmak is a wonderful Tok'ra, she is selfless and caring, she is good company, she has a wonderful sense of humour.
SAM: Well that's good Dad, you can sit around for hours cracking yourself up.
JACOB CARTER: That's funny.

He rushes off and throws up. Sam follows him.
JACOB CARTER: I'm sorry. I didn't want my future, erm, I guess you could call her soulmate, to see me like this.

JACOB CARTER: [Clears his throat] So when the little fella inside me is talking, do I sound like she does?
TEALC: That is correct.
JACOB CARTER: That's strange. I can feel myself talking, but it's not Me saying the words. You know?
JACK: Don't know. Take your word for it.
DANIEL: How do you feel?
JACOB CARTER: Well, considering I got one of those things inside me, pretty damn good! Listen, George, because of this blending thing, I already know everything there is to know about the Tok'ra. You made the right call.
HAMMOND: I hope so.
JACOB CARTER: I would be proud to serve as liaison between the Earth and these people.

MARTOUF: [To Sam] I give you my word, I will watch over you father as if he were my own.
SAM: Thankyou.
MARTOUF: I look forward to seeing you again.
SAM: So do I.

JACOB CARTER: It's ironic, ain't it?
SAM: What?
JACOB CARTER: I was trying to find you a better assignment and you didn't need it. Now you've found me the best assignment an old soldier could dream up. Thanks, kid.
SAM: You're welcome. Do you have to go so soon?
JACOB CARTER: Yeah. I have to go. Apparently, I'm the oldest and wisest among us.
SAM: Oh jeez.

Episode 14 - Touchstone

O'Neill: We came here in peace, and we expect to go in one... piece.

Maybourne: Teal'c. It's good to see you well.
Teal'c: In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you.

Episode 17 - Serpent's Song

O'Neill: That's between you and your god...Oh, wait a minute...You _are_ your god. That's a problem.

MARTOUF: I offer you greetings from the high council of the Tok'ra. (He bows. Sort of.)
SAM: Why didn't my father come?
MARTOUF: He's dealing with more urgent matters. We come only to offer you a word of warning.
JACK: Which is?
MARTOUF: We know you have Apophis as your prisoner. You must return him to the planet you retrieved him from immediately.

MARTOUF: Since Jacob has joined the Tok'ra I have come to a deeper understanding of your people, the purpose and your extraordinary gifts.
HAMMOND: <Janet's standing beside him> Thank you.

MARTOUF/LANTESH: Why would he take refuge among the Tau'ri? He despises you. More than that you have nothing of use to him.
JACK: He's going down. He wants to take us with him.
LANTESH: He has taken advantage of your weakness.
SAM: We don't consider what we did a sign of weakness.
LANTESH: Then you are fools. Turn him over to Sokar now. That he may spare you.

LANTESH: If he remains here, you will all die. if not by the hand of Sokar then by the many Goa'uld who would wish to destroy Apophis themselves. You do not see what you have done. You have entered a battle in which you are ill equipped to fight. Tipped the balance of power among the Goa'uld and in so doing worsened the fortune of your entire race.
HAMMOND: We must know what would happen to him if we turned him over.
LANTESH: I'm certain he would be executed…eventually
LANTESH: surely, you welcome this. His guilt is clear. He cannot be allowed to escape punishment.

LANTESH: The knowledge and Technology are too primitive for any information to be of any use. Why don't you comprehend the danger you are in? We cannot defend you from the Goa'uld. You cannot expect us too.
JACK: We don't.
LANTESH: Overconfidence was their failing O'Neill I hope it has not become yours.
LANTESH/MARTOUF: Heh. Forgive Lantesh. He is sometimes passionate in his opinions. We cannot and would not force you to do anything, but since we have not convinced you of the danger you face may we see him?

MARTOUF: His pilots saw your kind flee with Apophis through the Chappa'ia. Symbols of the Tau'ri are well known among the Goa'uld.
JACK: That Iris will hold.

MARTOUF: The space between your metal barrier and the wormhole may be enough for particles of extremely high energy to reintegrate.
SAM: Subatomic particles?
SAM: Are you saying he's firing a particle accelerator at the wormhole?

MARTOUF: Even if he fails to breech the Gate. He will come by ship.
SAM: Martouf is right, what we really need to be concerned with here is another assault from space. That's exactly what we're inviting by refusing to hand Apophis over.
DANIEL: well, we couldn't right now even if we wanted to.

TEAL'C: Will that be sufficient to make Sokar cease his attack, Martouf?
MARTOUF: Sokar is at war with Her'ur, he wants no part of the Tau'ri for the moment, but you may have come to your senses to late. He will soon burn through your iris.
SAM: Well, I've been working on a way to dial out faster. If we can open our gate in the next window we should be able to send Apophis through.

SAM: If Sokar wanted him alive then he'll just start up the attack again.
MARTOUF: No. I don't believe he will, Sokar has a sarcaphagous in his possession. With it he can revive Apophis even through death and torture him as long as he pleases.
Every looks sober.
MARTOUF: Surely a fate he justly deserves

MARTOUF: To contact us, you may use this.
DANIEL: That's Tollan. They used it to contact the Nox.
MARTOUF: Yes, We are friends of the Tollan, and we are friends of the Tau'ri.
SAM: Thank you.
JACK: well, if we're going to be friends, you're going to need one of these. Its called a G D O, Sends out a signal to let us know who you are and if its ok to open the iris, otherwise you could end up splattered against the…well.
MARTOUF: I understand.
SAM: come on I'll show you how it works.

Episode 18 - Holiday

O'Neill: All right, describe for me the dress your sister wore last week when I took her out.
Jackson: I don't have a sister, Jack, and if I did, I wouldn't let you near her.

[Teal'c and Col. O'Neill have had their bodies switched.]
Teal'c: [in Col. O'Neill's body] It did not go well, Gen. Hammond.
Col. O'Neill: [in Teal'c's body; sarcastically] Ya think?

Episode 19 - One False Step

Teal'c: "Since it is THEIR planet, is it not we who are the aliens?
Daniel: "Actually the word alien refers to anything characteristic of a very different place or culture, anything really strange relative from our own perspective."
Jack: "Think we call you an alien cause your from Chu'lak?... ha!"

Episode 21 - 1969

An officer asks them in Russian if they're spies.
Jackson: Nyet.
O'Neill: Daniel!
Jackson: He just asked if we were Soviet spies and... (realizes the problem)
Guard: Come with me.
O'Neill on the way out: Nyet?

Teal'c: "I am not at liberty to reveal my identity."

Jack: "We came to Earth to hide among your people a long, long time ago."
Daniel: "From a galaxy far, far away."

Michael: (nods) No sweat. (to Teal'c) So, uh.. your thing... uh, that thing... what's it symbolize? Peace?
Teal'c: Slavery. To false gods.
Michael: Right on! So, um, it's made out of...
Teal'c: Do not discuss it further.

Jack O'Neill: I'm Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise.

Jack O'Neill: It's true Michael. We came to Earth to hide among your
people a long, long time ago.
Daniel: From a galaxy far, far away.

Daniel: So what's the plan?
Jack O'Neill: Find the stargate.
Daniel: Find the stargate? That's the plan?
Jack O'Neill: Elegant in its simplicity, don't you think?

Episode 22 - Out of Mind

Hathor: How do we contact the Asgard, so that we might ally with their forces?
Jack O'Neill: Try Roswell - little place in New Mexico.

Season 3

Episode 2 - Seth

General Carter: He's not insubordinate to me. Just to people like yourself. Saves me the trouble. 

Jack O'Neill: Jaffa jokes? Let's hear one of those.
Teal'c: I will attempt to translate one, O'Neill.
[Teal'c thinks]
Teal'c: A Serpent guard, a Horus guard and a Setesh guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The Serpent guard's eyes glow. The Horus guard's beak glistens. The Setesh guard's nose drips.

Jacob Carter/Selmak: So, you guys are the talk of the Tok'ra water cooler.
Jack O'Neill: For what?
Jacob Carter/Selmak: For kicking some major Hathor-behind.
Jack O'Neill: Yes. We do take pride in good work.

Episode 3 - Demons

"Do you read the Bible, Teal'c?" Jack O'Neill
"It is a significant part of your Western culture. Have you not read the Bible, O'Neill?" Teal'c
"Oh, yeah. Yeah. Not all of it. Actually, I'm listening to it on tape. Don't tell me how it ends." Jack O'Neill

Episode 7 - Deadman Switch

[being told about bounties on SG-1's members placed by the Gou'ald]
Aris Boch: Well, Teal'c is worth the most. The System Lords would love
to make a good example of him. And Carter here? Well, she has the
memories of the Tok'ra Jolinar. And you, O'Neill? You're considered,
well... you're a pain in the mikta.
Jack O'Neill: Neck?
Teal'c: No.

Episode 11 - Past and Present

Daniel: Let me ask you a question. Who would you trust with your life more than anyone else in the world? Don't worry, I won't be offended if you don't pick me.could it be Teal'c?
Jack O'Neill: Sure.
Daniel: Ah, Teal'c, refresh my memory. What was your previous occupation?
Teal'c: I was First Prime of Apophis.
Daniel: Right. Did a few nasty things back then?

Episode 12 - Jolinar's Memories

Sam; Martouf. How are you?
Martouf; Samantha. Colonel O’Neill. Well enough, under the circumstances.
Sam; what’s wrong?
Martouf; Maybe we should discuss this elsewhere.
Sam; It’s my father.
Martouf; I’m afraid he’s been captured by Sokar.
Sam; Oh my God.
Martouf; As far as we know he is still alive.
Sam; As far as you know?
Martouf; You are familiar of how Sokar has assumed the persona of the entity known on Earth as the Devil.
Jack; Yeah. Bit pretentious, don’t ya think?
Martouf; You must understand when I say that if Selmak is still alive, he has been sent to hell.
Jack; As in...
Martouf; A place of eternal suffering and damnation from which there is no return.

Jack; So, what are we really talking about here?
Martouf; Netu is a moon orbiting Sokar’s home planet.
Jack; A very hot moon, I take it?
Martouf; It is indeed a place where fire burns strong.
Sam; But you know for sure that my father is still alive?
Martouf stops, and takes Sam’s arm.
Martouf; I am sorry, Samantha. I know this must be difficult. Once captured, Selmak and Jacob your father would have been brutally tortured. But Sokar would rather see his victims suffer than die.
Jack; So we’re talking about a rescue mission.
Martouf; Unfortunately, to our knowledge, no one has ever escaped from Netu.
Jack; Oh.
Martouf; No one except for Jolinar.
Sam; Oh.

Martouf; Especially if that Goa’uld is Sokar.
Hammond; He’s really that much worse than the others?
Daniel; Well, of all the gods he picked to impersonate he chose the Devil.
Martouf; We need to find Selmak and determine what information he has gathered about Sokar’s attack. Without wanting to sound overly-dramatic, the fate of the Galaxy might be at stake
Jack; Sounds a bit overly dramatic

Sam; When do we leave?
Martouf; As soon as you are ready. If you are sure you are all sure you understand what you are volunteering for.
Daniel; You said hell, right?
Jack; Well, I’m gonna end up there sooner or later. May as well check out the neighbourhood.

Jack; Have I mentioned to you that I hate surprises?
Martouf; We have a long journey ahead of us. There will be much time to inform you of all the details.
Jack; Ah! Now that puts me in a position to be surprised.

Martouf; Shall we embark?
Jack; By all means. To hell with us.

Dad; Sam? Sam?
Sam; (looks over) Dad? (goes over to him) Dad! (softly) Dad...
Dad; am I dreaming?
Sam; no we’re real
Dad; are you crazy?
Jack; apparently
Sam; are you OK?
Dad; been better
Martouf; Selmak?
Dad; he’s dying
Martouf; this will help.
Give Dad a little vial of green liquid. Dad drinks a bit then coughs

Sam; Jolinar was one person and she had a hand device
Dad; leave me
Jack; err, Jacob, you seem to be missing the whole point
Martouf; Teal’c
Sam; is that possible?
Jack/Daniel; what?
Sam; the cargo ship has rings...the cargo ship work like Stargates only over shorter distances. They transport a matter stream. If that matter stream is intercepted...
Jack; (interrupting) whoa! Simplify, please
Sam; if Teal’c can manoeuvre the cargo ship into the correct position theoretically we should be able to transport aboard
Daniel; theoretically?
Jack; how does he find the right position?
Marty; the ring mechanism has sensors that can locate other rings. Teal’c should be able to detect the co-ordinates
Jack; I’ll take those odds. (takes out communication device, then to Daniel) C’mere!

Na'onak and his friends walk in. They surround our heroes.
Other Guy; kneel before Na'onak! Everyone is forced to their knees
Na'onak; you shall call me Na'onak no longer. From this day forth I shall reclaim my rightful name...
He pulls off his headpiece

Episode 13 - The Devil You Know

Apophis: A communication device. Teal’c, this is your god, Apophis. Risen from the fires of Netu. The fate of your friends will be pleasant compared to what I have planned for you. Return them to the pit. Kintac You will be my first prime

Martouf: I warned you when you sent Apophis through the ‘Gate that he could be revived using a sarcophagus. Sokar would rather see his victims suffering than dead
Jack: He doesn’t seem to be suffering much

Martouf: Apophis has one chance. He must convince Sokar not to kill him. If the reason is good enough, he may even be able to buy his freedom
Jack: With us?
Martouf: The information we hold. The secrets of Earth, and the Tok’ra

Apophis: You fear he will bring his wrath down upon us. But he cannot make out existence any worse
Denizen: He could come in a ship and wipe us out from space!
Apophis: I can deliver us from this place. I have killed the Devil’s servant! I will destroy Sokar!
The Denizens start cheering
Apophis: (v.o.) Those that follow and serve me will be led to freedom...
Apophis: a dominion! One in which the god Apophis, risen from the depths of the underworld will rule over all that was once shared by the Goa’uld
Jack: Well, this experience doesn’t seem to have humbled him much
Apophis: (v.o.) The dawn of our deliverance is upon us!
Apophis: Have no fear!
Kintac: Bow to Apophis, the deliverer!
Apophis: Yes. Sokar will come
The crowd cheers
Apophis: I say let him come!

Kintac: You will discover the identity of the intruders
Apophis: I already know their identity. By the time Sokar arrives I will know much more. Bring me the woman

Jack: They put that damn memory thing on me. And then they gave me something... that reminded me of the 70s
Daniel: The Blood of Sokar

Sokar: I will take my ship, and cleanse the underworld so that its fires may be reborn. Then I will launch the attack on the System Lords. Soon the entire realm of the Goa’uld will serve me... or suffer the fate of the damned

Martouf: I knew it was you
Sam: You shouldn’t have done it, Martouf
Martouf: I could not watch him kill you, Samantha
Sam: You lied
Martouf: Entac is a primitive planet. There are no Tok’ra there
Sam: You were very convincing. I believed you

Apophis: Before you fire upon us, know this: I have tortured the intruders. Three from the Tauri and a Tok’ra. I have learnt much, including the location of the Tok’ra resistance. Bynarr was weak. He was incompetent. A Goa’uld of your superior power deserves more. I wish to serve you. I offer this information I have gathered as proof. Grant me an audience and allow me to show my reverence to you by bowing at your feet
Sokar: I will grant you this request
Apophis: I am forever in your service

Teal’c returns Aldwin’s Zat
Aldwin: I’m sorry I doubted you
Teal’c: I am as surprised as you that we survived

Dad: I was thinking maybe we could take a little father-daughter vacation together
Sam: That’d be great, Dad
Dad: I hear Alaska’s cold this time of year

Episode 14 - Foothold

Sam: (to Maybourn) "You're an idiot every day of the week! Why couldn't you have just taken one day off?"

Jack O'Neill: Teal'c, you don't have to stick around.
Teal'c: Undomesticated equines could not remove me.
Jack O'Neill: Wild horses, Teal'c.

Episode 15 - Pretense

Narim: No harm will come to you. The Tollan will guarantee it.
Jack O'Neill: Is that a "money back if you're not completely alive" guarantee?

Sam: So, you built that… Stargate?
Narim: Yes.
Daniel: Way smarter then we are…
They start walking away
Jack: Our is bigger…

Sam Carter: Sir. What makes you so confident?
Jack O'Neill: Because Lya is a fair and insightful person who will vote our way. Besides, she likes us.
Daniel: Lya likes everyone. That's the Nox way.

Episode 16 - Urgo

General George S. Hammond: Can these devices be removed?
Dr. Janet Fraiser: Not without causing irreparable brain damage, sir.
Jack O'Neill: What's the down side?

Episode 18 - Shades of Grey

Jack: *biting bottom lip* "errm Daniel...That stuff I was talking about at my house... The place was bugged I had to keep up the act..."
Daniel: *Muttering*
Jack: "ah...  I mean obviously that whole friendship thing, the foundation that is all solid..." *Trails of into mutters*
Both: *muttering for a bit*
Jack: "I do appreciate that  you were the one to come see if I was ok... That... that means something to me..."
Daniel: "eahhh... no, actually it doesn't..."
Jack: "hu?"
Daniel: *Looking slightly Guilty and Smug* "erm... We... We ahhh... We drew straws... *pause*... I lost..."
Daniel, Sam and Teal'c wander away with little smug smiles that they got one up on him for doing this to them.*

Episode 19 - New Ground

Commander Rigar: Let us talk about your friend in the woods.
Jack O'Neill: I have no friends... in the woods or otherwise.

Episode 20 - Maternal Instinct

O'Neill: You know me, I'm a huge fan of subtlety, but that's downright encrypted.

Episode 21 - Crystal Skull

Jackson: No no no no! Nick! Nick, I'm real! I'm real! You're not hallucinating!
Nicholas Ballard: Hallucinations always say that.

Sam: "Normally neutrinos pass right through ordinary matter, no matter how dense. Something like 500 million billion just passed right through you."
Jack: "No matter how dense?"

[O'Neill awakens in sickbay and tries to leave his bed]
Teal'c: Doctor Fraiser expressed her conviction that you still require bed rest.
[O'Neill gets out anyway and promptly falls down]
Teal'c: Doctor Fraiser is usually right in such matters.

Episode 22 - Nemesis

Thor: The Replicators were brought aboard an Asgard ship, for study, before the danger could be fully comprehended.
Jack O'Neill: We do that all the time. Kind of expected more from you guys.

Season 4

Episode 1 - Small Victories

Daniel: "You're saying you need someone dumber than you are?"
Jack: "You may have come to the right place."
Sam: "I could go, sir."
Jack: "I don't know, Carter. You might not be dumb enough."

Sam: "We kicked their asses!"
Jack: "They had asses?"

Russian seaman #1: "What's that noise?"
Russian seaman #2: "Maybe it's that bug from the previous episode."

Episode 2 - The Other Side

O'Neill: So, what's your impression of Alar?
Teal'c: That he is concealing something.
O'Neill: Like what?
Teal'c: I am unsure. He is concealing it.

JACK: (After saluting the General) (To Teal'C) You've got that look.
TEAL'C: To which look are you reffering, O'Neill?
DANIEL: The one that says "I have misgivings about this mission, but deep down, I know we're doing the right thing" ?
JACK: No, the other one.
DANIEL: (Thinks) Ohhhh ...

Daniel: Their whole world is in flames - and we're offering them
gasoline. How does that help?
Teal'c: We are in fact offering water.
Jack O'Neill: Thank you.
Daniel: I was speaking metaphorically.
Jack O'Neill: Well stop it. It's not fair to Teal'c.

Episode 3 - Upgrades

Anise: Your strength is five times that of a normal human.
O'Neill: So, no increase then, huh?

Hammond: "I thought the devices were supposed to enhance them physically, not make them stupid!"

Earth, steaks, there's a difference? -- Jack,

Waitress: What can I get you?
Jack O'Neill: Three of the biggest stakes you've got.
Capt.: Me too. And French fries with mine.
Capt.: Oh, and a diet soda.

Episode 6 - Window of Opportunity

[Teal'C and Jack are repeating the same day and only they remember it. They decide to play golf into an active Stargate wormhole]

Jack O'Neill: How far away is this planet?
Teal'c :Several hundred light-years.
Jack O'Neill : That's gotta be a record.

Jack: "What kind of archeologist carries a gun?"
Daniel: "I do!"
On why Malakai is carrying a gun which he used to shoot Daniel in a previous time loop.

Episode 7 - Watergate

Markov: The sub is Swiss.
Jackson: So they occasionally catch fire, but they keep perfect time...Sorry. I think I've been hanging around Jack O'Neill too much.

Svetlana: "I have read extensive files on all of you."
Jack: "The question is how?"
Svetlana: "I learned to read English at the age of six. It is not difficult."

Teal'c: "This does not seem wise, O'Neill."
Jack: "I said it was easy, not wise."

Episode 8 - The First Ones

Teal'c: Trust in me, O'Neill.
O'Neill: What if I'm not O'Neill?
Teal'c: Then I was not talking to you.

Episode 11 - Point of no return

Martin : A top-secret government program involving instantaneous travel to other solar systems by means of a device known as a stargate.
O'Neill: Sounds like a good idea for a TV show. If you're into that sort of thing.

Episode 12 - Tangent

DANIEL: We were hoping you could kinda --- like --- beam them out.
JACOB: (Laughing) Beam them out? What am I , Scotty?

Jackson: Mak tal shree! Lok tak. Mekta satak Oz! Mok tal Oz kree!
Jackson: I don't think they bought my act.
Jacob: Why? Who'd you say you were?
Jackson: The... ah... Great and Powerful Oz.

JACOB: And, what were you thinking, anyway? Retrofitting a death glider? You should have known better. The technology you're screwing around with is way over your head!
SAM: That is the most arrogant --- I can't believe that that just came out of your mouth!
JACOB: Well, it's the truth.
SAM: You of all people should know ---
JACOB: I am uniquely qualified to know just how technologically infantile the human race is.
JACOB: Yes, in comparison with the Goa'uld and Tok'Ra, you're very young.
SAM: Yo---you are so---
JACOB: There's nothing wrong with being young, but you've gotta learn to take small steps. You can't just slap a US Air Force sticker on the side of a death glider, and call it yours. Advancement like that has to be earned.
DANIEL: Um, aren't the Goa'uld,and the Tok'Ra,for that matter, uh --- where they are by stealing the technology from other races?
JACOB: Yes, but the Tok'Ra were flying around in ships like these when most of the people on earth thought it was flat.

Jack: "Is that what I think it is?"
Teal'c: "If you think it is Earth, yes."
Jack: "It's shrinking!"
Teal'c: "It's size remains constant. Rather, it is we who are moving away at extreme velocity."

General Vidrine: How does she fly, son?
Teal'c: The vehicle performed within expected parameters.
Jack O'Neill: Woohoo... Sorry Sir. I couldn't help but get caught up in Teal'c's enthusiasm.

Episode 14 - The Serpent's Venom

[on a mine]
Sam Carter: Ok, it's flashing green. Is that good?
Daniel: No
Sam Carter: Bad?
Daniel: Bad
Sam Carter: How bad?
Daniel: Very bad.
Sam Carter: DAD!

Episode 15 - Chain Reaction

"If it wasn't for SG-1, you'd be sitting there with a snake in your head, instead of your head up your ass."
Jack to the new commander of the SGC, General Bauer.

Sen. Kinsey: Given the chance, half of all American citizens won't even vote, and the half that do vote are too stupid to know what they're doing.
Col. O'Neill: Which explains how you got elected.

Episode 22 - Exodus

Carter is about to throw the Stargate from the Ha'tak to the sun]
[Maj. Carter exhales]
Col. O'Neill: Something wrong?
Maj. Carter: No. I've just never blown up a star before.
Col. O'Neill: Well, they say the first one's always the hardest. I say that.

Dr. Jackson: Yeah, I think we have a problem here. I figure that flashing wasn't good news, and the fact that in Goa'uld it says, "Warning! Warning!"

Season 5

Episode 1 - Enemies

Col. O'Neill: Excuse me. I distinctly remember someone saying we're not going to make it. I think we made it.
Jacob: I'm sorry, I overreacted. At the time, it looked very much like we weren't going to make it.
Col. O'Neill: Yes, well, maybe next time you'll just wait and see.
Jacob: And blow the last chance I might ever have to be right?
Col. O'Neill: What?
Maj. Carter: [grinning] Welcome to my life.

Daniel Jackson: Ya think?
Sam Carter: This way, sir. It's not far.
Jack O'Neill: Carter. How do you know where to go in a place like this?
Sam Carter: I studied the Tok'ra specs of the ship while we were on Vorash.
Jack O'Neill: You know how to have a good time, don't you?
Sam Carter: Having a good time now, sir.
Jack O'Neill: You go, girl.

Episode 3 - Ascension

Colonel Simmons: Need I remind you, Dr. Jackson, of the dangers that we're trying to defend Earth against?
Jackson: Oh, could you? I mean, go slow.

Jack: "So... now what?"
Teal'c: "I have read of a place where humans do battle in a ring of Jell-o"
*Jack Throws mobile phone to Teal'c*
Jack: "Call Daniel."

Episode 4 - The Fifth Man

Daniel: "We obviously have lieutenant Tyler issues. I say he exists. You say he doesn't"
Simmons: "This is not just about lieutenant Tyler!"
Daniel: "Someone else doesn't exist?"

Daniel: "I would have asked him, but I was too busy being unconscious."

Teal'c: If I were still loyal to the Goa'uld, you would know it.
Colonel Frank Simmons: Really?
Teal'c: It would be immediately apparent, as I would not hesitate to kill you where you sit.

Episode 8 - The Tomb

Major Vallarin: Wait here.
Daniel Jackson: Yes, you go down the dark hallway alone and I'll wait here in the dark room alone.

Episode 9 - Between Two Fires

Jack: "Do you people practise being vague?"

Episode 10 - 2001

Daniel: I just hope we don't regret giving them those gate addresses.
Jack O'Neill: I don't think we will... the first one being a black hole, and all. They get progressively darker after that.

Episode 11 - Depserate Measures

Harry on playing Hide-and-Seek: "I could always find anyone, anywhere. But they could never find me."
Jack: "Because they didn't want to?"

Colonel Harry Maybourne: Gonna turn me in?
Jack O'Neill: Actually, that overwhelming desire to shoot you has come back.

Episode 14 - 48 hours

Sam: "Is there any change you can get the Russians to give us their DHD?"
Daniel: "Not without giving back Alaska."

Rodney McKay: I wish I didn't find you so attractive. I've always had a real weakness for dumb blondes.
Sam Carter: Go suck a lemon.
Rodney McKay: Very sexy. Very, very sexy.

Episode 17 - Fail Safe

Carter: If it comes right down to it, we can detonate it right here. What's our position?
Jackson: Well, personally, I'm against it. But if you want to know where the ship is, we're about five meters above the surface at the bottom of the crater.

Sam: "This close to Earth, it would probably be enough to set the atmosphere on fire and boil the oceans."
Jack: "Okay, that wasn't in the movie."

Jack to Sam: "I'd like to take this opportunity to say this is a very poorly designed bomb and we should say something to somebody when we get back."

And again to Sam: "Carter, I can see my house!"

And again: "We came, we saw, we planted a bomb, had a little fun with a meteor shower, we went home. It's a great story."

Episode 20 - The Sentinel

Colonel Sean Grieves: I'll say it again, I don't like the idea of going into this unarmed.
Jack O'Neill: And... I don't care.
Lieutenant Kershaw: I feel a lot better knowing there's an archaeologist watching our backs.
Daniel Jackson: [holds up a knife] Yeah, which end do the bullets go in again?
Colonel Sean Grieves: I'd be happy to show you.

Season 6

Episode 1 - Redemption, Part I

Jonas Quinn: Hey, Major? How do I know what color to wear?
Carter: We call each other every morning.

Carter: Inertial dampeners.
O'Neill: Cool... and check. Phasers?
Carter: Sorry, Sir.

Episode 3 - Descent

TEAL'C: The crew appears to have abandoned ship, General Hammond.
HAMMOND: That's good news! I don't mind telling you, we're all been holding our breath down here.
TEAL'C: (Taking the statement literally) That is most unwise.
HAMMOND: (He and Sgt. Davis laughs) Yes, of course, Teal'C.

Episode 5 - Nightwalkers

[Jonas is having a burger, fries, and milkshake for lunch. Sam arrives just in time to see him dunk a fry in the shake and eat it]
Sam Carter: Nice... lunch.
Jonas: mmmm. I'm really starting to enjoy this "traditional American food".
Sam Carter: We have another tradition. It's called "hardened arteries".

Episode 6 - Abyss

Baal: Do you not know the pain you will suffer for this impudence?
O'Neill: I don't know the meaning of the word...Seriously, "impudence," what does that mean?

Episode 8 - The Other Guys

Her'ak: No matter what you have endured, you have never experienced the likes of what Anubis is capable of.
O'Neill: You ended that sentence with a preposition. Bastard.

Episode 9 - Allegiance

Malek: "Arik tree-ac te kek."
Teal'c (translating quietly for Jack): "We do not surrender, even in death."
Jacob (Selmak): "Tak mal arik tiak."
Teal'c (translating quietly for Jack): "You will not be forgotten."

Episode 12 - Unnatural Selection

O'Neill: Suffice to say you might want to get upstairs and punch one on the old speed dial.
Hammond: My grandchildren?
O'Neill: Two, then.

Col. O'Neill: They didn't go for it.
Maj. Carter: They didn't approve the mission?
Col. O'Neill: No, they did that. Once they knew the stakes and the whole "fate of the universe" stuff, both the president and Hammond realized we have no choice. He sends good luck, godspeed, and all those things he says when he thinks we're gonna die.
Maj. Carter: So what didn't they go for?
Col. O'Neill: The name I suggested.
Maj. Carter: For the ship?
Col. O'Neill: Yeah.
Maj. Carter: Yeah, sir, we can't call it the Enterprise.
Col. O'Neill: Why not?
Maj. Carter: The project codename is Prometheus. What's wrong with that?
Col. O'Neill: It's a Greek tragedy. Who wants that? 

Jack O'Neill: What is it with you people? Time machines are nothin' but trouble. Even we know that.

First: Your mind is incredible.
Jack O'Neill: Well...
First: Such chaos and humor and pain.
First: Your iris code is 903224637.
Jack O'Neill: Wow, that's... close. Here's one for you. I'm thinking of an animal.

Episode 18 - Forsaken

Jonas: We're peaceful explorers, okay? We didn't come here to harm anybody.
Jack O'Neill: Unless otherwise provoked.

Season 7

Episode 1 - Fallen

Native pointing toward Teal'c: He is Jaffa.
O'Neill: No, but he plays one on TV.

Carter: Our goal is to take out Anubis' new super weapon. It's what gives him a clear advantage over the rest of the Goa'uld mother ships. Now, we've received word from Teal'c that Yu has pledged to bring the full force of the remaining system lords' fleet down on Anubis once we've succeeded.
O'Neill: Okay. Everyone who thinks this is absolutely an insane idea, raise your hand. Come on, be honest.
Everyone, including Carter, eventually raise their hand

Jack O'Neill: All I'm saying, just for the record, is this is the wackiest plan we've ever come up with.
Sam Carter: Wackier than, than strapping an active Stargate to the bottom of the X-302?
Jack O'Neill: Oh yeah.
Sam Carter: Wackier than blowing up a sun?
Jack O'Neill: Yep.
Sam Carter: He's probably right.

Episode 2 - Homecoming

O'Neill: What's your situation?
Jackson: I'm hiding. What's yours?

Episode 4 - Orpheus

JACKSON: "Because I should have done something when I had the chance...when I had the power."
O'NEILL: "I think we've already established that wouldn't have worked out either. No, it's time for plan B."
CARTER: "We have a plan B?"
O'NEILL: "No...but it's time for one."

Episode 12 - Evolution, Part II

Jackson: It's okay, it's off now.
O'Neill: Good. That's good.
Lee: At least we think it's off.
Jackson: The glowing thing really gives it away. And it's not glowing anymore. So if it's not glowing any more it shouldn't be on any more.
Lee: Do you wanna hold it?
Jackson: No.

Episode 15 - Chimera

[discussing Daniel's dreams]
Teal'c: Most often, dreams are merely the mind's way of dealing with desires that cannot be fufilled.
Daniel Jackson: Ah. So basically, I'm never gonna get a good night's sleep again.
Teal'c: With all your past experiences, Daniel Jackson, I do not know how you have slept well before now.
Daniel Jackson: Thank you, Teal'c. This conversation has been disturbing... on many levels...

General George S. Hammond: You're saying Osiris is here on Earth probing Daniel's mind?
Sam Carter: Yes, we think that.
Jack O'Neill: Kinky.

Episode 21 - Lost City, Part I

[Master Bra'tac comes through the Stargate, walks down the ramp and gives Dr. Weir an odd look]
Daniel: This is Dr. Elizabeth Weir. She's the new leader of this facility.
[Dr. Weir extends her hand]
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Hello.
Bra'tac: [concerned] Has Hammond of Texas fallen in battle?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Oh, no sir, he's fine!

Daniel Jackson: I remember when we were first trying to get the Stargate to work, I would come here and just stare at it for hours.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Is that a gentle reminder that you've been an important part of this since the very beginning?
Daniel Jackson: Subtle, huh?

Col. O'Neill: You are so wrong. It's a perfect analogy: Burns as Goa'uld.
Teal'c: They are merely animated characters, O'Neill.
Col. O'Neill: You are so shallow.
Dr. Jackson: Oh, Please! Teal'c's like one of the deepest people I know. He's so deep. [to Teal'c] Come-come on, tell 'em how deep you are. [to O'Neill, excitedly] You'll be lucky if you understand this.
Teal'c: My depth is immaterial to this conversation.
Dr. Jackson: Oooo! Y'see!
Col. O'Neill: No more beer for you.
Maj. Carter: I'm sorry, sir, but I have to agree. I don't see the connection.
Col. O'Neill: All right, that does it. You know, the entire VHS collection was going to one of you. It's going to Siler. He gets it.

Season 8

Episode 1 - New Order, Part I

Daniel Jackson: On the bright side, out of all the Goa'uld, Lord Yu has been the most cooperative with us in the past.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: I thought you said that none of them could be trusted?
Daniel Jackson: Oh, they can't. Especially not a crazy one.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: And that's a bright side?
Daniel Jackson: More of a slightly less dark side.

Episode 2 - New Order, Part II

O'Neill: I've spent my whole life sticking it to the man.
Jackson: Well now you will be the man.
O'Neill: I don't think I can be the man.

Episode 4 - Zero Hour

"You dare mock me?" Ba'al
"Come on Ba'al, you should know. Of course I dare mock you." Jack O'Neill

Episode 7 Affinity

Sam Carter: Teal'c, how do Jaffa couples handle their problems?
Teal'c: On Chulak, a dispute between a man and a woman that cannot be resolved necessitates a pledge break. It must be requested by one and granted by the other.
Daniel: And if that doesn't work?
Teal'c: A weapon is required.

Episode 10 - Endgame

O'Neill about the Asgard: Usually they ask nicely before they ignore us and do what they damn well please.

Jackson: What's this?
Carter: This is Methylphosphonothioic acid..
Jackson: Which is?
Carter: Nerve gas.
Jackson: Okay. Putting that back.

Episode 17 - Reckoning, Part II

Jacob: Come on, Sam. It can't be any harder than blowing up a sun.
Lt. Col. Carter: You know, you blow up one sun and suddenly everyone expects you to walk on water.
[What they are attempting suddenly works.]
Lt. Col. Carter: Next up, parting the Red Sea!

Episode 20 - Moebius, Part II

[in an alternate timeline, Teal'c, who is the still the First Prime of Apophis, brings Daniel Jackson before his master]
Apophis: Who are you?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Name's Daniel Jackson. Uh, if you give me back my eyeglasses, I could actually see you.
Teal'c: He claims he is of the Tau'ri.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You weren't supposed to tell him that.
Apophis: The Tau'ri have no Chaapa'ai.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh! Sorry, guess I was wrong. I'm sure your information is correct and... In fact, I'm usually quite wrong, quite unreliable actually. To be honest with you, I'm insane.
Apophis: I think there is much you can tell me.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, if you wanna know about the early settlements of Mesopotamia, I am somewhat of an expert...

Season 9

Episode 1 - Avalon, Part I

Dave: Eighty-seven mission hours to thirty-two alien planets. Front-line ground combat on four different occasions.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: I was hoping you could tell me something about yourself... something personal.
Dave: People call me "Dave."
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: It says here that's your name.
Dave: Yes.

Mitchell: (to Vala) Ladies first.
Vala: (to Daniel) Well then, after you.

VALA: Thanks. *walks past, other men back up, weapons on her* While I'd normally be thrilled to have so much testosterone at my disposal. Where's my Daniel?

Mitchell: ...or you're just gonna have to marry this chick. (meaning Vala)
Vala: (to Daniel, excitedly) Let's make babies!!

Vala: I haven't been this disappointed since I had sex with Daniel.

Vala Malduran: I know nothing about your fair planet... other than it
seems to have a rather interesting if somewhat limited gene pool.
[looks at Daniel and Col. Mitchell]

Vala Malduran: [when Mitchell is having trouble convincing the other
members of SG-1 to return to the SGC] Try playing hard-to-get.
Cameron Mitchell: Yeah, look who's talking.

Episode 2 - Avalon, Part II

Daniel: (quoting) 'The universe is infinite.'
Vala: No doubt it's deliberately ironic that we're in an ever decreasing space.

Vala: ...and then I told her to go procreate...with herself.

Dr. Lee: Actually, we have done a fair bit of research on this device, and I can say with absolute (Daniel glares) relative (Daniel glares again) certainty, oh, look, we have studied devices like this for years and at some point ultimately you just have to turn it on.

Mitchell: A room full of gold and jewels and Dr. Daniel Jackson finds the one book.

Episode 3 - Origin

O’NEILL: Now, see? That’s one of the great things about being a general. You pretty much get to do whatever you want.
MITCHELL: I suppose after you’ve saved the world seven or eight times...
O’NEILL: Who’s counting, huh?
MITCHELL: Teal’c. Actually, he mentions it quite often.

Daniel: This is bad.
Vala: Worse than being burned to death?

Prior: Where we are going and where we are is all the same.
Mitchell: Oh I get it - wherever you go, there you are.

Episode 4 - The Ties that Bind

Vala: Here to see me off...that's sweet.
Daniel: We've been through a lot together. I just wanted to come here myself and . . . make sure you're thoroughly searched.

Vala: How dare you assume I stole them. I may have a less than perfect reputation, but . . .
Daniel: You told me you stole them!
Vala: Did I?
Daniel: Yes.

Vala: Daniel, do you happen to have one of these . . . credit cards.
Daniel: Yes I do. And no you can't.

Vala: We can be partners...we can split everything down the middle, 60/40.

Vala: I have to assume that the reason you want to build more ships is, like other men, you like big machines with big engines that fire big missiles, because you have a deep-seated need to overcompensate for your own shortcomings.
Appropriations Chairman: Excuse me?
(female stenographer snickers)
Vala: See? She knows what I mean.

Inago: Vala, you cowardly backstabbing sorry excuse for a woman! How have you been?
Vala: Inago, you filthy double-talking slug. Nice to see you.
Mitchell: Obviously they dated.

Teal'c: Col. Mitchell, at times you remind me of O'Neill.
Mitchell: I'll take that as a compliment.
Teal'c: As you wish...

Episode 5 - The Powers that Be

Vala: (in jail) So Daniel, when does that warm and glowy feeling for doing the right thing kick in? Because I'm not there yet.

Vala: I'm pleading innocent, right?
Daniel: You already confessed.
Vala: A god can change her mind, can't she?

Daniel: You need to tell these people the truth!
Vala: I have a lot of needs, Daniel, but that's not one of them.

Vala: (as "Qetesh") It's pointless lying to your god. I am all-knowing as well as all-beautiful.

Daniel: He's doing the best he can.
Vala: That's what terrifies me.

Vala: Oh please - the truth is so overrated.

Teal'c: Others believe you will slay the Prior in a show of power upon his return tomorrow.
Vala: Tomorrow...hmmm, tomorrow's no good for me.

Mitchell: ...and we don't want to get into a god-off, especially since we know you're not even close...
Vala: Forget what I said about the twenty percent!

Daniel: ...and if necessary, I will tell them we're planning to kill you!
Vala: I have heard of better plans!
Mitchell: I kind of like it.
Vala: Shut up!

Daniel: (about Vala's plan) This is not what I had in mind.
Vala: (with the Goa'uld voice on) What your mind may or may not be able to imagine is really none of my concern. Now kindly get out of your god's face.

Vala: It just so happens I have a good relationship with the people of the planet you designated P8X-412.
Mitchell: Define "relationship".
Vala: They trust me. (Mitchell gets up) Where are you going?
Mitchell: To talk to Landry.
Vala: Why?
Mitchell: Because anyone who trusts you is in a great deal of danger.

Vala: Can a girl have a little privacy?
Daniel: No. Besides, I think I have seen everything there is to see.
Vala: Right!

Episode 6 - Beachhead

Nerus: (eating) What's this? This is exquisite. What is it?
General Landry: Chicken.
Nerus: Chicken?
General Landry: It's a rare delicacy among our people.

Mitchell: Yo, my name is Lieutenant Colonel Cameron Mitch?
Prior: I know who you are.
Daniel: Yeah, he just told you his name.

Vala: What is a Mark 9 exactly?
Mitchell: It's also known as a Gate Buster.
Vala: Hmmm. Sounds big.
Mitchell: Some might say too big.
Vala: Really? I always thought there was no such thing.

Mitchell: How good is this? We've got the band back together!
Carter: Hey, sir, what's with the extra back-up singer?
Mitchell: Oh, she's good fun. Plus, we figured if Jackson were to?
Teal'c: Die.
Mitchell: Yeah, that's the word? We would jeopardize the mission.
Carter: When we spoke a couple of weeks ago you said you thought the effect of the bracelets was wearing off.
Daniel: It was - I just didn't want to put it to a test on the other side of the galaxy.

Teal'c: I have no recollection of your participation (in destroying the Replicators).
Nerus: Teal'c, you wound me. I was the one who figured out how to activate all the stargates in the galaxy at once. Didn't Ba'al mention that?
Vala: That is sooo like him.

Landry: We must look like major players now.
Teal'c: We defeated Anubis.
Daniel: Most of the System Lords were killed by the Replicators, the we defeated the Replicators.
Mitchell: Wow, we look cool.
Landry: Don't let it go to your head.

Mitchell: Yeah, that is nice.
Vala: No, he's disgusting. You can't honestly open the doors to a pathetic, minor Goa'uld posing as one of the big boys. Well, at least promise me you're intending on torturing him.
Landry: We're setting him up in the VIP suite.
Vala: No.
Landry: Yes.

Vala: My God, it's enormous! (Daniel glares at her) Not everything I say is innuendo!

Daniel: So you're saying (Vala) could be alive?somewhere in the Ori home galaxy?
Sam: It's possible.
Daniel: Well, we wanted to send them a message?

Daniel: (playing basketball) I'm gonna kick your ass.
Vala: Promises, promises...

Episode 7 - Ex Deus Machina

Ba'al: Over six hundred channels, and nothing to watch.

Mitchell: Of all the retirement destinations (Ba'al) could choose, he had to pick our planet?

Daniel: Where are you gonna be?
Sam: Seattle.
Barrett: How the hell are you gonna get there? (Sam is beamed out) Prometheus.
Daniel: Beats flying coach.

Mitchell: So?
Daniel: That office was a war zone: staff weapons versus semi-automatics.
Mitchell: Who won?

Daniel: He was discovered this morning at a remote road off Interstate 77 in Virginia. He was spotted by a passing motorist, the local authorities say he's been dead about a day or so. Probably the victim of a hit-and-run driver.
Mitchell: So what do we figure, this guy got lost and he was hitching a ride back to Chulak?

Landry: Colonel, did you find the bomb?
Sam: Sort of.
Landry: What's that supposed to mean?
Sam: Readings indicate that the entire superstructure of the building is laced with naquada. It was built that way. Ba'al's been planning this for a long time.
Landry: I'm not sure I understand, Colonel.
Sam: The bomb isn't in the building, sir. The bomb is the building.

Barrett: How have you been?
Sam: Pretty good, you?
Barrett: Yeah, pretty good, can't complain. What's new?
Sam: Uh, let's see...I was leading R & D for a while there.
Barrett: Well, I never figured you the type to settle for a desk job.
Sam: I needed something with more flexible hours. Janet's adopted daughter Cassie was going through a hard time.
Barrett: Oh, I see.
Carter: Spend some time on the Prometheus away on deep-space reconnaissance.
Barrett: Uh, uh.
Carter: Oh, helped stop a dangerous new enemy from getting a foothold in the galaxy.
Barrett: Yes. I heard about that.

Mitchell: Witnesses?
Daniel: One. Some guy who was working overtime and spent most of the firefight under his desk, but was able to provide the descriptions of three individuals; big, tattooed, chain mail pants.
Mitchell: So it's either our Jaffa or Kiss is back on tour.

Episode 8 - Babylon

Mitchell: Look ? I'll do any crazy exercise you want. (long pause) Within reason.

Jolan: You may provide a challenge to your opponent after all, Mitchell.
Mitchell: Followed by my violent death, of course.
Jolan: Of course.

Mitchell: All I know is the moment you accept your fate, you're dead. Until then, all bets are off.

Tass'an: Heed my words, brother. If a Prior visits your world?leave.

Jolan: May you die well.
Mitchell: Likewise.

Volnek: You would never have survived kel shak lo alone
Mitchell: Don't know. Took you down pretty good.
Volnek: You were lucky.
Mitchell: Lucky is good.

Episode 9 - Prototype

Landry: Is this a joke? Because if you look closely, I'm not laughing.

Daniel: How's Major Aldman?
Sam: Oh, he's gonna be okay. The ascend-o-meter says Caleb is about eighty percent there.
Teal'c: "Ascend-o-meter"?
Sam: Mitchell.

Sam: We're pretty sure the red patches indicate areas of the brain where synaptic activity is maximized. A normal human brain, you or I say, should show roughly five to ten percent coverage.
Cameron: Me being five, you being ten.

Dr. Lam: The analysis that I did suggests that Caleb is significantly more evolved than we are, much more in line with the human form of the Ancients, prior to Ascension.
Mitchell: So he can have all kinds of super funky powers?

Teal'c: It's Nirrti's DNA munipulation device.
Mitchell: Nirrti. She was a Goa'uld that's trying to create an advanced host, right? Ended up with a bunch of super-freaks who turned on her. That was a cool file.

Daniel: How did the MALP get through to 584? I mean, initial MALP telemetry confirmed it was on the right planet.
Sam: My guess is the 584 security system filters incoming matter based on certain protocol. Organic versus nanomite, for instance.
Daniel: Wow, that seems like an awful lot of trouble to keep people out.
Sam: Which makes me curious as to what's being hidden there.
Mitchell: Always want what you can't have.

Sam: Well, I have a theory about that too. Instead of using an iris, like we do, the off world gate stores incoming data in its buffer system. Then if the correct code isn't received, it dials a random address and empties the buffer into the new wormhole.
Mitchell: Interstellar call forwarding, that's pretty cool.

Sam: Huh, maybe it wasn't our fault.
Daniel: I thought it was always our fault.

Episode 10 - The Fourth Horseman Part I

Dr. Lee: You know, I keep telling myself that one of these days I'm going to do something that gets me a little respect.
Daniel: We're all waiting for that day, Bill.

Sam: Of course, we're presuming that the staff weapons the Priors carry are also mentally activated, and will also be neutralized.
Mitchell: While we're at it, why don't we just assume that I can fly?
Dr. Lee: Oh, actually, I've been working on a theory?

Young Orlin: I am hungry. Maybe it's just me; it has been a while since I experienced human senses, but this food doesn't smell very good.
Sam: That's because it's not very good.

Sam: You built a stargate in my basement using spare-parts from a toaster.
Young Orlin: Actually, this will be a little harder than that.

Mitchell: Well, you don't think that getting a whole galaxy to bow down and worship you, is something to write home about?

Episode 11 - The Fourth Horseman Part II

Jackson: That warm fuzzy feeling you're experiencing may be the effects of a device that's inhibiting your ability to concentrate and focus your powers
Mitchell: Symptoms may include...dizziness, irritability...
Jackson: Nausea
Mitchell: Mild nausea, and a condition known as hotdog fingers.

Mitchell: (to the Prior about the Ori) They're using you.
Prior: Pity not the blind man, for he is hindered not by the visions of this world, but rather pity yourselves.
Mitchell: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Prior: For he will see the light before you.
Mitchell: I'm going to get something to eat.

Daniel: Well, for starters, did you know that the Ori need people to worship them, because that's how they gain their power?
(the Prior looks startled)
Mitchell: He didn't know.
Daniel: No, he didn't know that.

Daniel: Why did they send you to this galaxy in the first place?
Prior: We are beacons on the road to enlightenment.
Mitchell: No, you're dark side intergalactic encyclopaedia salesmen. Unfortunately the home-office hasn't been quite up front with you.
Daniel: Nice work on the metaphor.
Mitchell: Thank you, Daniel.

Prior: It makes no difference what you do to me, but know this. The Ori are all-seeing. (Daniel and Mitchell glance upward) They are already aware of this affront to their eminence, and shall strike down those who dare to defy them.
Mitchell: Nothing yet. You?
Daniel: Drawing a blank. Little thirsty.
Mitchell: That doesn't count.
Daniel: No it doesn't.

Episode 13 - Ripple Effect

Mitchell: So I'm guessing this almost feels like home, doesn't it?
Daniel-2: Almost like home...but...if it was home...I'd be sitting where you're sitting and you'd be sitting here telling me I'd love to help you but I have no idea what's going on.
Mitchell: I'm thinking one of two possible scenarios. A, Carter's right and you're from an alternate universe in which case we'll do everything we can to get you back home. Or B, you're not who you say you are. In which case we need to find out what you're really after.
Daniel-2: Actually there's a third scenario. C, you're not who you say you are and it's up to us to find out what you're after.

Mitchell: Did she just say we?
Sam: Pardon?
Daniel: You just said we. You just said we?
Sam: Me and?myself. The other Samantha Carter.
Mitchell: Finally you found someone to keep up with you, huh?
Sam: Yep.

Mitchell: One more stupid question. (Landry glares) Yours was fine...mine is stupid.

Daniel-2: Wouldn't it have been easier to zat (Mitchell)?
Teal'c-2: Easier yes, but far less gratifying.
Mitchell-2: Did he just insult me?

Landry: I am not about to turn this base into the Grand Central Station of the multiverse.

Mitchell: I read the mission reports on the Asgard...they're not what I expected.
Sam: What were you expecting?
Mitchell: Well, pants for one.

Mitchell: So you're saying that somewhere in an alternate universe I got to second base with Amy Vandenburg?
Sam: Theoretically...yes.
Mitchell: Boggles the mind, doesn't it?

CARTER(GREEN): *waves* Knock yourself out. *she walks over to Martouf, patting his shoulder*
MARTOUF: *sighs* time and again we've managed to save Earth and its allies from the most dire threats…situations in which we faced unassailable odds… almost certain defeat but we always managed to find a way to prevail in the end…
CARTER(GREEN): I'm sorry…I wish there was a way I could send you home…or at the very least delay the mission so…
MARTOUF: You have no choice but to do what's best for your world.
CARTER(GREEN): I assume yours is not the only SG team in your reality that's actively searching for a cure to the plague…

Episode 12 - Collateral Damage

Landry: Your service record is impeccable, Mitchell. What's wrong with you?

Landry: I read your report. Not sure I've ever seen language like that used in an official Air Force document before.
Mitchell: Sorry about that, sir.

Episode 14 - Stronghold

Ba'al: Come now, Teal'c, we're smart enough to know we're not actually gods. Well, some of us are, anyway...there are always those who believe their own propaganda. All you need is enough people to worship you and then, what's the difference, you're pretty much a god by definition.

Season 10

Episode 9 - Company of Thieves

Mitchell: Yep. She's a real beauty.
Vala: Stabilizers are a bit wonky, I'm afraid. Makes for a bumpy ride. But it's all perfectly safe.
Mitchell: Really?
Vala: Not exactly.
Jackson: We gave you as much raw naquadah as you needed and all you came up with was this piece of junk?
Vala: People's lives are at stake, Daniel. Do you honestly think that I cheaped out on the ship and pocketed the difference? an alarm goes off
Mitchell: What's that?
Vala: Life support seems to be failing. to Teal'c Can you take over? changes crystals and the alarm stops
Mitchell: Great, you fixed that. How about fixing the stabilizers?
Vala: Oh, I didn't fix anything. I just disabled that annoying alarm.

Episode 10 - The Quest, Part I

Villager: I should warn you. No one has ever returned from the quest alive. If you value your lives, you would do well to reconsider.
Mitchell: We appreciate that, but that is quitter talk.

Mitchell: You should come with us.
Barmaid: My place is here. I'll be fine. Mitchell hesitates. I'll blame everything on you.
Mitchell: Good plan.

Osrick: This is it! The cave entrance. The Sangraal is located within.
Mitchell: It's too bad you won't be coming with us. (Points P-90)
Ba'al: I thought I made it clear: you need me.
Mitchell: I wasn't talking to you.
Ba'al: Oh. Well, ah, (glances at Osrick) allow me to get out of your line of fire. (Walks away)