TITLE: Selmak's first trip to Earth Reviews
CATEGORY: Humour, short story
SUMMARY: As the title says. Selmak visits Earth.
CHARACTERS: Jacob, Selmak
AUTHORS NOTES: * denotes thoughts or host/symbiote communication. I'm assuming the Tok'ra have been talking with the Tau'ri more times than we see, so 'Show and Tell' is not the first time Selmak visits Earth. This is sometime between 'Serpent's Song' and 'Show and Tell'. Not that it really matters.

*I am sorry your daughter is not currently on the base. I know you had been looking forward to meeting her again.* Selmak sent warm feelings to her host.

*Well, George said she'd be back from the mission tomorrow, so we'll get to talk then. It'll take me some time to get things wrapped up here anyway.* Jacob sighed.

He and Selmak were back on Earth. Several weeks had passed since he became Selmak's host and he was getting used to sharing his body and having someone in his head. Well, more used to it, anyway. Selmak had a tendency to talk - a lot.

They - Selmak in particular - had had much to do after moving the Tok'ra base again, and also with the fall-out from the traitor Cordesh. It had been necessary for the Tok'ra Council to both make decisions on which operatives to recall and which knowledge in general might have been compromised. They were taken the cautious approach, which was good, but it had given everyone a lot of extra work.

Now Jacob and Selmak had finally gotten a few days off, and he was looking forward to a small vacation on Earth. He would spend much of the time sorting through his things here, but there would be time enough for a little relaxation as well. He had decided to keep his apartment - he was still being paid by the Air force, but now belonged officially under the SGC. All the official registers would show, was that he was on a long time - and very secret - mission for the SGC. And that meant they had to pay him. Anything else would have looked suspicious.

Jacob chuckled at that. The Air force - paying him to be a Tok'ra! Selmak was amused as well. She also insisted half of that pay was hers. She did after all, work hard to keep his body in good shape so he could do his job! Jacob had not been able to argue with that.

Since Sam was not on base, he would spend this afternoon going through his things and picking out those he wanted to bring with him to the Tok'ra tunnels.

They had received permission to leave Cheyenne Mountain and go on their own to Jacob's apartment - and wherever else they needed to go in Colorado Springs, as long as they checked in once a day while they were on Earth.

Selmak was excited. She had seen much in Jacob's memories, of course, but the Tau'ri seemed like a strange and interesting place. There were so many more people than on most planets, and while it was not truly advanced - as Selmak saw it - it was more so than the majority of human worlds out in the galaxy.

*I apologize. I did not mean to say your people are primitive.*

*It's OK. I've started to realize we - Earth humans - aren't as advanced as I thought.*

Wearing his uniform with his Generals stars, Jacob went quickly through the check-points out from the Cheyenne Mountain complex. Outside, a car was parked, waiting for him. He had told them he wanted to drive himself, so George had made sure a car was available for him for his use while he was on Earth. Happy to soon be away from it wall for a while and to finally be alone - or as alone as you could be with another person in your head - he sank into the seat of the car and slammed the door.

Selmak was getting anxious, Jacob could feel it. He decided to ignore it for now and started the car, then began to drive it out from the parking lot.

The symbiote panicked. Suddenly his blood was flooded with adrenaline and his heart rate spiked. He almost hit another car, from the shock of it all, then quickly hit the brakes.

*Selmak?* He asked, exasperated. *What's wrong?*

*This vehicle is not safe! There is no shielding!*

*It's safe enough! Lots of people drive around in them. All the time - without getting hurt!*

*You almost hit that other...car!* Selmak 'screamed'.

*Yes. Because you fucking nearly gave me a heart attack with all your panicking!* Jacob 'yelled' back.

*I was concerned! All of a sudden this vehicle just started rolling along the ground. Fast!*

*That's what cars do! I had everything under control! Now, shut up! I'm on vacation! Go to sleep if you can't take it here!*

Selmak grumbled, but said nothing further. She wanted to see the place, not sleep their rare vacation away. She willed herself to relax.

Sighing deeply, Jacob started the car again and managed to get out of the parking lot without further comments from Selmak. He could feel she was still on edge, though.

He drove out onto the road, and had not been driving more than a minute or so, before another car sped past them, going very fast. Selmak constricted around his spine so tightly it felt like a vice.


*Sorry...* She relaxed her grip - a little.

*I don't know why I even brought you on this trip!* Jacob said, too irritated to realize how little sense that statement made.

*I am going to pretend you didn't say that!*

It ended up being a very long journey down to Colorado Springs and to his apartment.

Jacob looked at his watch. It was almost 6 PM, and he had almost finished digging out the few things he wanted to bring with him. He had gotten rid of a lot when he moved here to Colorado Springs some months ago, expecting to die, so there was not much left.

He had decided to take the letters he had gotten from his wife. Both those from before they were married, as well as the small stack he had received over the years, from the usually short periods where he had been sent to places where he could not bring his family. Then there were his wife's wedding ring and a few pieces of jewelry - Sam had gotten most of it, despite not being particularly interested in it.

He had not wanted to bring any photos with him, but Selmak had convinced him otherwise. He now had a whole box of pictures, most of them of Sam or Mark as children, but also a few of them as adults. He even had a few photos of his wife, despite the fact that merely looking at them still evoked painful memories of her death. Selmak had made him take them anyway, saying the day may come, when he would regret not having them. He had considered throwing the rest of the pictures out, but ended up putting them into another box. Perhaps he would give it to Sam or Mark, if they wanted them.

Should he take any clothing? Probably not - the Tok'ra provided what he needed, and there were no reason to bring Earth clothing. Better to keep it her, for using when he visited.

In this way he had slowly gone through it all and determined what he wanted to bring. He now had it all stuffed into a small backpack.

*I need to buy some chocolate - and coffee - before we head back.* Jacob suddenly remembered, having missed both during the weeks he had spent with the Tok'ra.

*I like chocolate, but...I don't remember if I have ever tried coffee...*

*Trust me, you'll love it!*

Talking of chocolate and coffee made him suddenly realize he was getting very hungry and he decided to go check out the kitchen. Not that he really expected to find anything still edible...

*You are not the only one in this body that are hungry - why don't we go to one of those nice restaurants you have been to in the past?*

*Been going though my memories again, have you?*

*What did you want me to do? It was getting boring, watching you go through old memorabilia. It's not like I can take a walk while you stay in here!*

Jacob rolled his eyes. Selmak was being grouchy. She did not react well to being hungry. Besides, he had to admit, today had not been interesting for her.

Ignoring her complaints - for the moment, at least - he opened the refrigerator and took a look. One ketchup bottle, a box with old take-out, a plastic bag containing something undefinable, and a beer. Great! He reached for the beer and had it open in no time, downing half of it before Selmak had time to react.

He felt her take control and forcibly put the bottle down on the table.

*What was that!? It tasted horribly.*

*Guinness - and if you don't like it, it's your problem. I think it tastes great - and it's very filling. Just what we need. I'm going to drink it!*

*Not if I can help it!*

*So, you're gonna suppress me? I thought you were a Tok'ra and not a Goa'uld!* Jacob was getting seriously pissed, and so said something he normally would not. He knew it would hurt, and he almost instantly regretted saying it.

*No! Never!* Selmak promised. Then she grabbed the beer, went to the sink, and quickly poured it down the drain. *Control is yours.* She pushed Jacob fore.

"#&#%}!" Jacob swore - and not just mentally, as he watched the last of the beer disappear. He no longer regretted the insult he had made before. 

*Language...* Selmak chided. *Why don't we go out and get something nice to eat?* Selmak tried. *You can chose. I promise, I won't complain...as long as it's nutritious.*

Jacob laughed evilly. *I know just the place...*

Selmak suddenly felt very worried.

*What is this?* Selmak looked with concern at the huge platter that had just been placed in front of them. On it were a mountain of meat, stacked like a pyramid. *I thought you said you were going to order marinated chicken wings? Chicken is the same bird that we call house fowl, is it not?*


*Then what have they done to it!* She frowned as Jacob picked up one of the greasy, crisp-fried wings and bit into it with relish.

*This is the special marinade of this restaurant. It is spicy - thick and gooey. They're famous for it. When I lived here before, my health didn't allow me to go here more than once, but now!*

Selmak was extremely dissatisfied, but she had promised not to complain...she observed him eating for a while, all the time radiating quiet disapproval.

Then the waiter arrived, carrying a whole pitcher full of beer, which he put down on the table, together with a large glass. Jacob thanked him and began pouring the beer into the glass, whistling to himself.

*We didn't agree you could have beer!*

*You said I could choose anything - as long as it was nutritious. Beer is nutritious!* Jacob took a long drink from the glass, obviously enjoying it immensely.

*I am going to have to spend hours repairing the damage to our body from this meal!*

*Yes, and you're great at it! Don't think I'm not appreciating it!*

*Is that all I am to you? A healing device?* Selmak pouted.

Jacob immediately felt bad. He was very fond of his symbiote. *Sorry. No, of course not.* He 'hugged' her. *I am just being grouchy. I really like this kind of food - even though I know it's not good for me. Tomorrow we'll eat together with Sam. Last time I talked to her, she actually promised she'd try to cook for me. I'm a bit apprehensive about that, but we'll see. In any case, she'd never agree to something like this, so...you gotta get it when you can!*

Selmak sighed. *I understand.* She 'hugged' him back. *But can I choose where we eat the next day? The day after tomorrow?*

*Yes, absolutely!*

*Good...* Selmak took another look through Jacob's memories, then found what she looked for. *Then I would like to go to...something called 'The Pepper Tree'.*

*'The Pepper Tree'?* Jacob tried to remember, when Selmak waved the memory in front of him. *Ah...no we can't go there.*

*Why not? It looks adorable. It's located on the top of a hill, with a nice view over the city - and the place seemed much better decorated than this.* Selmak mentally wrinkled her nose. *It has tablecloths, cloth napkins, and fine tableware...*

*Yes. Listen, Selmak. I've only been there once. At a semi-official banquet. It's expensive.*

*You can easily afford it. You still get paid, and it's not like you'll use your earnings while with the Tok'ra. We are communal - we share everything, except a small number of personal things.*

*That's not what I meant!
It's not a place where you can go...you know...alone.*

*Alone? You're not alone! You have me!* Selmak giggled.

Jacob sighed. *You need a...a companion...get it?*

*Oh! In that case we should...* Selmak rummaged around in Jacob's head for the right expression. *...ah...pick up some babes first. And if you're worried about that, I'll do it. I have millennia worth of experience in these matters!*

*I thought you considered yourself a lady?*

*Yes - which gives me a unique insight into seducing women...* Selmak giggled again.

Jacob merely sighed again and gave in.