TITLE: The Dinner Date Reviews
AUTHOR: Roeskva
CATEGORY: Fluff/humour, short story
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment only and not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
SUMMARY: Sam takes Martouf/Lantash out to dinner on Earth
RATING: PG-13 (to be safe - it is probably no more than PG)
CHARACTERS: Samantha Carter, Martouf/Lantash
PAIRING: Sam/Martouf/Lantash established
STATUS: Complete
AUTHORS NOTES: * denotes thoughts or host/symbiote communication.

"I'm so happy they finally agreed to make you some ID and let you leave the base. There is so much I want to show you!" Sam smiled at the man in the seat beside her, before she started the car.

"Yes, it is most appreciated. Lantash and I have long looked forward to an opportunity to see more of the world of the Tau'ri - and especially your house, of course." Martouf said. He fiddled with a button on the BDUs he was currently wearing - borrowed since it had been decided Tok'ra garb would be too...noticeable.

"Well, we will get to my house eventually." Sam smiled, "...but first we are going to the mall to get you some different clothing. I promised you a dinner at a nice restaurant, and the one I have in mind - while not really fancy - would frown on what you're wearing right now."

"But this is what they provided me with at Stargate command. I thought it was acceptable to wear? Why else did they give it to me?" He sounded frustrated. "Is this not what everyone wear?"

"It is acceptable...in most places, but it is also a military uniform and not something generally worn extensively outside the base - at least not on dinner dates to restaurants. Well...I suppose it can be...never mind! Just trust me on this!" Sam reached over and gave his arm a squeeze. "Oh, and Lantash? Remember...no eye glowing - and please use Martouf's voice when anyone else is around."

Martouf bowed his head and Lantash looked up shortly after. "Yes, I remember."

They drove to the mall. Martouf and Lantash found the place to be very fascinating, but also very strange. They just walked around for a while, looking at everything before they went into a store and picked out clothing for him - both for that evening and for the next 3 days he would be visiting Sam.

They then went to Sam's house, to change into the new clothing. After changing - very quickly, Martouf and Lantash walked around Sam's house and looked at everything while she got ready. They found it very interesting to see how she lived, and how she had chosen to decorate the place. The strangest thing to them was how large it was - it did not seem necessary to have that much space for just one person.

"Nice! You look really good in jeans and a white shirt!" Sam commented, walking into the room. She looked admiringly at him for a moment before saying anything further. "You better bring the jacket, though - it might get chilly in the evening this time of year."

Martouf looked up and seeing Sam he immediately smiled. "You are a very attractive sight as well. You look absolutely beautiful! That dress is...very nice!" He stared shamelessly at her, until she blushed a little. She knew the black dress she was wearing was very flattering to her figure. It was relatively long - hanging below her knees - but it had a slit that went up the side to her thigh. It had spaghetti-straps so her shoulders were bare, and it veed deeply in the back. She was wearing a necklace Martouf and Lantash had given her a few months ago, shortly after they became mates. It was made of gold and had a pendant - a sapphire chosen because the colour matched Sam's eye colour.

Lantash took control and expressed his appreciation of her choice of clothing as well, before he walked over to her and gave her a kiss. They stood like that for a little while, kissing and touching.

The taxi they had call then showed up, and they went to the restaurant. It was a nice place Sam knew had good food. She was a little apprehensive, since she had never been on a date on Earth with Martouf and Lantash before. She trusted them, though, and felt pretty sure they would not do anything to call attention to themselves in an unfortunate way - like flashing their eyes adn such!

At the restautant they went to the table Sam had reserved and sat down. Martouf looked interestedly around the place, and smiled politely at the waiter who brought them a thin book with only a little bit written on each page. Martouf opened it and looked at the pages with confusion.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" 

"It is a menu," Sam whispered, "it contains a list of the dishes they are serving. We are supposed to pick what we want from it."

Martouf nodded. "I understand, but I cannot read English."

"We'll, we will be choosing one appetizer, one main course with sides, and one dessert. Do you want me to read the choices to you?"

"Could you not just pick something for me?"

Sam sighed. "OK, I guess I can do that. What do you like? Fish, chicken, or meat?"

Martouf wrinkled his brows, looking puzzled. "Are they not all types of meat?"

"Well...yes, technically you're right...but by meat we tend to mean beef, lamb, or pork...things like that."

He nodded, still looking confused. "I see..." It was quite obvious he did not. "What would you recommend?"

"They have a great salmon - and their roasted chicken is very good as well."

Martouf seemed to ponder this for a while, the blank look on his face making Sam realize he was talking with Lantash.

"Well?" Sam asked, a little impatiently. She had just spotted the waiter coming their way.

"I am partial to the salmon, but Lantash prefers the roasted chicken."

Sam rolled her eyes. "OK, then. We'll take one of each and then we can share them, I suppose. I'll pick a salad for you, as an appetizer. Would you like pie or ice cream for dessert? Never mind," Sam said quickly, seeing the indecision in his eyes. "We'll share that, too."

The waiter took the orders from Sam, then turned to Martouf.

"Which wine would you like, sir?" He handed Martouf a card showing a long list.

"Um..." Martouf looked with rising desperation at the card. "What would you recommend?"

"The Chardonnay is very good, of course. We just got a new batch a weak ago, which has a fruity taste, reminiscent of apples, but with a faint touch of smoked oak. The Sauvignon Blanc goes well with both the salmon and our roasted chicken. It is very fresh and crisp with a light citrus taste. The Pinot Blanc has a somewhat lighter tone and just a hint of melon and apricot."

*What kind of meaningless double-talk is that? Help me, Lantash!*

*I know no more than you do. Just pick one so he will leave us alone.*

Martouf sighed. "I think the...eh...Chardonnay sounds like a good choice." He picked the only one of the names he could remember hearing.

"Very good choice, sir, if I may say. I will be back in a moment."

Martouf looked relieved when the waiter left. He turned towards Sam again.

"Samantha...I would like to apologize. Normally, if Lantash and I disagree on food choices we take turns picking the dish. It is actually Lantash's turn tonight, but since this is the first time we are on a date on a Tau'ri restaurant with you, Samantha, he kindly thought that I should have a chance to chose...but I thought..."

"It's all right, Martouf. Don't worry about it!"

The waiter was approaching again, this time carrying a bottle of wine. Sam watched nervously as Martouf dipped his head and gave control to Lantash. Sam noticed - with some relief - that he kept his eyes closed long enough to hide the eye flash.

The waiter poured wine into Lantash's glass, obviously expecting him to taste it and tell what he thought about it. Realising this, Lantash quickly grabbed the glass and took a sip from it.

*It's vile! Way too sour!*

*You have never liked white wine, unless it is very sweet. I actually think it is relatively good.*

*Hmph...you are probably correct...*

Lantash hid his distaste and nodded to the waiter. "It is quite...good..."

The waiter put down the bottle and left, obviously relieved. Lantash apparently made him nervous.

Sam giggled a little. "You hate it!" She observed.

"It will never become my favourite drink, that is true. However, as Martouf just pointed out to me, I do not care much for white wine."

"Oh...I'm sorry about that, but for some reason they always recommend white wine for fish or chicken."

"It is quite all right. I will manage. Besides, Martouf thinks it is good, so he can be in control when drinking most of it."

They talked for a little while about nothing in particular, just enjoying the company of each other. The waiter then brought them the appetizer. They had only eaten for a little while before he returned to ask if they were satisfied and if everything tasted good.

Then the main course was served. Martouf was in control first, to eat the salmon he had asked for. He obviously enjoyed it, but did not appreciate the waiter coming to interrupt them again, to ask one more time if they were happy with the food. Later, Lantash took over to eat the chicken, and after a while the waiter returned yet again, to ask if they were still happy with everything. When he had left, Lantash turned to Sam, clearly annoyed.

"Why do they continue to disturb us to inquire as to whether the food is to our satisfaction or not? If I were a Goa'uld such insolence would have gotten them killed. Also, if the food was not to our satisfaction, both the servant and the cook would have died screaming - several times." Lantash said, clearly irritated. "However, as a Tok'ra, I must admit that it bothers me more to have them serve me. I have no wish for servants!"

Sam sighed. "I must admit they do ask us a bit often, but they are no doubt told they should do that. They are just trying to be polite and to ensure the guests are happy and does not complain about anything. They would get in trouble if too many did that. As for the other...I can very well understand why a Tok'ra would find it uncomfortable to have someone serve them. It is bound to remind you of the Goa'uld...however, please understand that sometimes humans - who are generally not used to have anyone serve them - likes to pay to have someone else take care of it all and just lean back and relax. And it's just a job these waiters have - they're not slaves."

"I know..." Lantash sighed. "And I do apologize. I am just not used to it."

"Do you like the food?" Sam said, changing the subject.

"It is quite good..." he smiled, "...and the company is wonderful. Samantha, both Martouf and I very much appreciate being here with you. We too rarely get to spend time together without being on a mission. You look so beautiful in that dress - you should wear such clothing more often."

Sam blushed. "Thank you. I'm very happy to be here with you as well - and you don't look so bad yourself! " She smiled, a little naughtily, before she added in a low voice. "I look forward to getting back to my house with you...and to spend the night with you again."

Lantash smiled mischievously back at her. "I very much look forward to that as well."

After finishing the main course they shared pie and ice cream. The pie had a pear-cinnamon filling which they all liked. Lantash and Martouf took turns being in control while they ate, something Sam thought was a little funny since they could both taste it just as well, whomever was in control. However, they insisted it added something extra to be the one in control - and get to choose how large a spoonful you took and from what and when.

When they had finished eating, Sam paid and they went outside.

"Are you tired? Because I thought we might go to a night club for a few drinks and maybe dance..." Sam suggested.

"I am not tired - and neither is Lantash. We would both like to go to this 'night club' and see what it is. Dancing is an attractive suggestion, but we do not know any Tau'ri dances." Martouf said.

"Don't worry about that - most places you don't dance any particular dance. There aren't usually any steps to know. People will generally just move around in tune with the music - more or less. Just observe the others and you'll see. You'll be fine, I'm sure."

Martouf nodded and they proceeded to a night club Sam had heard was good.

*The music is very loud. If it was much louder we might risk damage to our hearing. I can repair that, of course, but Samantha does not have a symbiote.*

*True, let us hope they do not increase the volume of the music - it is strange and not very good, anyway.*

*...but I must admit it is very interesting to visit these places. We are learning a lot more about the Tau'ri culture this way, and we get to spend time with Samantha meanwhile.* Lantash pointed out.

Martouf agreed with his symbiote and followed Sam inside. After they had checked their jackets in the cloakroom, they went up to the bar to get drinks.

*Have you noticed? There are odd, blinking - multi-coloured - lights as decoration...* Martouf sniffed, then wrinkled his nose. *There is something unpleasant in the air which tickles my nose...*

*It is tobacco-smoke. On some planets people enjoy inhaling the smoke from burning leaves of certain plants. I have encountered it before, in my former host. Apparently the Tau'ri like it as well.*

"What would you like to drink?" Sam asked him.

Martouf looked around at the beverages in front of the people at the bar. He had no idea what any of it was, except he recognized some of the bottles as beer bottles. He did not feel like drinking beer right now. Suddenly he noticed something.

"Um...maybe something like that?" He pointed to a orange-red drink with an umbrella and some fruit slices on the side of the glass. "It looks interesting."

*Are you crazy? 'Interesting' is not necessarily a good thing in regards to edible and drinkable things!* Lantash commented.

*Where is your sense of adventure?*

Lantash groaned, but did not complain further.

Sam smiled a little at Martouf's choice of drink, but ordered one for him, and a beer for herself. They had just found an empty table, when Sam spotted someone she did not want to talk to.

"Ah, damn - perhaps we should go somewhere else..." Sam said in a low voice.

Martouf looked puzzled. "Of course, if you wish to - but did we not intend to drink these?" He pointed at the beverages on the table in front of them.

Sam sighed and pointed discreetly to a man sitting at a table some distance away. "If you absolutely must know....the man over there in the blue shirt and jeans...his name is Watkins...he just got transferred to NORAD a few weeks ago. As you know, NORAD is also located at Cheyenne Mountain, and some of them have dealings with Stargate Command. For some reason Watkins have decided he absolutely want me - and he is not giving up, despite the facy I have told him I'm not interested - several times. Oh, well. He's here with some friends, so perhaps he will leave us alone...." Sam sat down and took a long drink from her beer.

"Would you like me to talk to him and tell him to leave you alone?" Martouf looked concerned.

"No, it's OK. I can handle him. Let's just relax and have a few drinks."

Martouf nodded, not looking entirely convinced. He decided to keep an eye on Watkins. Thoughtfully, he picked up his drink and carefully moved the umbrella and fruit slice aside, so he could take a sip.

*It is quite good.*

*Yes, it actually is.* Lantash sounded surprised.

"We both like this beverage," Martouf told Sam.

Sam smiled to them and was about to say something, when Watkins approached them, having spotted Sam.

"Sam Carter! What a pleasant surprise to find you here!" He sounded as if he had had a few beers too many. "Why don't you come over to my table - have a few beers, and then dance with me?" He gave Martouf's drink a scornful look. "Real men drink beers, not 'Hurricanes' or whatever that orange thingy is."

Martouf looked as if he was about to say something, and Sam quickly interjected.

"Watkins." She took a deep breath. "I've told you - several times - that I'm not interested. Besides, I'm here with someone." She indicated Martouf. "Even you should be able to realise that."

Watkins laughed loudly. "Come on! You can do better than that!" He grabbed hold of her arm and began pulling her towards his table.

"Let go of me! Idiot!" Sam hissed and kicked him hard. She wrestled her arm loose.

An enraged Martouf took a strong hold of Watkins and now turned him around so he was facing him.

"She explained to you that she is not interested. You will leave her alone!"

"Or what...?" Watkins smiled evilly, now looking very much like he would like nothing better than a fight. It was obvious he belonged to the group of people who's behaviour did not improve when drinking.

*He is challenging us!* Lantash was furious. *And he is bothering our Samantha! We cannot allow this to continue!*

*Yes, he is a fool. We ought to make sure he understand his errors!*

Martouf grabbed hold of the collar of the man's shirt. "Desist! Or you will find yourself regretting your actions!" Martouf said, threatening.

"Martouf..." Sam tried to intervene, concerned that the altercation would draw attention. People were already starting to stare. She felt her cheeks blush.

Watkins laughed loudly. "'Regret my actions'...yeah, right. Like you could make me!" He straightened and looked down at Martouf. He was almost half a head taller, and more muscular than the Tok'ra. He yanked his arm free from Martouf's grip and shoved him, hard.

Martouf avoided falling and at the last moment remembered where they were. He looked down and closed his eyes, before letting Lantash fore.

Watkins looked strangely at him. "You're not about to faint, are you? Weakling!"

Lantash looked up and everything happened very quickly after that. He ignored Watkins comment and instead took at quick step forward, and grabbing the man, pulled him aside. Before Watkins had time to react or fight back, Lantash had dragged him into a small side-corridor, not far from where they sat. It was conveniently empty.

Lantash roughly pushed Watkins up against the wall, wrestling one of the man's arms around to the back, and held it there. As Watkins tried to turn towards him, Lantash used his other hand to take a firm grip around his opponents throat.

"It is regrettable I did not bring a hand device..." Lantash snarled, purposefully speaking with the characteristic distortion symbiotes often used. He noticed with satisfaction the shock and fear showing in Watkins's eyes. Lantash allowed his eyes to flash golden-white, just to increase the effect.


Lantash merely sent laughter in Martouf's direction. He tightened his grip around the other man's throat.

"...However, I am certain an old-fashioned punch in the face will serve just as well..." He was about to let go of Watkins's throat in order to hit him instead, when Sam stopped him.

"No, Lantash! He's not worth it - you don't want to draw attention and get into trouble for fighting in a bar." She looked at Watkins. "That goes for you as well. I know Hammond hate it whenever he has to bail some of his men out - I'm sure your commanders feel the same way."

"Very well." Lantash said, giving Watkins's throat another squeeze, just for good measure, "...but if you ever as much as consider causing Samantha distress again, then I guarantee you that you will regret it! Understood?"

"Yes. Absolutely!" Watkins managed to get out. He looked terrified at Lantash. "I promise you." He added. "I will leave her alone. Completely!"

"Good. See that you remember it!" Lantash let go of him.

Watkins coughed and carefully touched his throat, then examined his hurt arm. As he scurried past Sam, he gave her an accusing look. "Why did you not warn me you were dating one of the snakeheads?" He snuck away quickly, hearing Sam's laughter after him. It had not been a good evening for him.

"I do not believe he shall give you any further problems." Lantash said.

Sam grinned. "Of that I am sure." She gave him a warm hug, then kissed him. "Thank you."

Lantash put an arm around her and gave her a squeeze as they went back into the main room to finish their drinks.

"I realise you did not need my assistance, but I am happy to be allowed to help you anyway. I hope you will not get into trouble for this altercation?"

"I'm sure he won't say anything - I doubt he want to tell his superiors he got his ass kicked. It would damage his reputation - though I guess it's already damaged - his friends saw some of it - including him sneaking away afterwards!" Sam smiled.

They had a few more drinks and danced a little before they returned to Sam's house. It was already turning into an eventful vacation, and the 3 days had only just started. When they had closed the door to her house, Martouf embraced her tightly and kissed her passionately. Sam happily returned the kiss. As he lifted her up and carried her towards her bedroom, she felt sure the rest of their holiday would be more peaceful - if not exactly restful...